Day and Night
by CoupDeJarnac
Summary: Kirielle Mahariel has had it it with humans, the Blight, traveling, being a leader, and pretty much everything else. Despite the fighting she finds herself growing fond of her new friends and even a bit romantically inclined, though conflicted over her feelings towards her fellow Warden Alistair and their newest member, the assassin Zevran.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Narration switches to different characters from chapter to chapter. Each chapter will have the narrator's name underlined at the beginning of each chapter.

Edited chapter one and broke it into 2 separate chapters, sorry if this caused any confusion for any of you.

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Kirielle

We made our way up the cliffs that surrounded the village and castle of Redcliff; it seemed eerily picturesque without all of the undead walking around this time. I was still uneasy about human settlements though and was not thrilled about being back here. This time our little party had grown; several mages, the First Enchanter Irving, and a raunchy assassin had joined us since the last time. We made our way past the windmill that overlooked the peaceful village on our way up to the castle, mages in tow, to banish the demon possessing the Arl's son.

"Hmm… Anyone up for a little bit of naked cliff diving? No?" Zevran said with a sly smile, the newest member of our little group was standing there grinning ear to ear. After his failed attempt to kill us I thought it would be a great idea to bring him along with us for some reason, and after only three days I was already regretting it.

Both Alistair and I shot him a terrible look. Since deciding to spare him and accept his offer to join us he had said almost nothing but raunchy comments or advances on anyone who would listen to him, and even those who did not want to listen to him.

"None of you are any fun" scowled Zevran.

"And not everyone is as shameless as you" growled Alistair. Zevran shrugged unapologetically.

We made our way up the remaining path to the castle and into the courtyard. The guards nodded solemnly at us and open the massive doors that lead into the castle's main hall as we approached.

"You're back! Thank the Maker!" cried Isolde, the Arl's wife and the mother of the possessed boy Connor.

"Where is the boy?" asked Irving. Isolde gestured to the throne dais where Connor stood. Irving motioned to one of the mages "Hold him still" he directed. The mage nodded and quickly worked to put Connor under a paralysis spell. Irving then motioned to the rest of the mages and without any more orders they set to work drawing out an elaborate ritual circle and runes. "Who shall enter the Fade and confront the demon?" asked Irving.

"I will" I declared.

"You are not a mage, I'm sorry but you can't".

I looked up at Morrigan hoping that she might volunteer, she scowled back. "T'was not my decision to interfere here".

"I will" came another voice, it was Wynne. "You unselfishly helped the tower, I will do what I can to help you". I looked at Wynne. We only met her a few days ago, but I liked her, she reminded me of keeper Marethari from my clan. Wynne was caring and concerned for everyone, like Marethari was, and she was motherly or maybe closer to grandmotherly at her age.

"You don't have to do this Wynne".

"No, I do. I will not have you come this close to saving this boy only to stop here because no one is willing to risk themselves."

Irving nodded "Very well then. Wynne, stand there" he gestured to the circle "and someone bring the boy".

Wynne entered the circle and one of the guards placed Connor in the circle. The rest of the mages surrounded the circle and softly began to chant. It was surreal and was giving me the creeps after seeing the power of magic first hand when we drove the demons out of the circle tower just days before.

The mages finished their chant and everything grew still. Wynne stood frozen in time, her eyes were clouded over.

"Now we wait" said Irving.

"For what?" I asked nervously.

"To see if one of them or both of them wake up".

What seemed like hours passed, though I never moved from my spot. I didn't like this, that someone else was put in danger. Alistair took his usual place next to me and gently wrapped his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to calm me and kissed the top of my head.

Eventually Wynne blinked and shook her head. After she shook off the foggy feeling from being in the Fade she assured me that she was alright and recounted the desire demon that had been possessing Connor. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that both her and Connor were safe. Initially I had considered just killing the boy, it would have been much easier than braving the tower, but Alistair and Leliana convinced me that saving him would have been better. I had also considered just going through with Jowan's ritual, though once more Alistair and Leliana were against that also.

Later in private Alistair asked me how I could be so calm about killing a child, and I told him the truth, that I would rather kill one child now than wait and allow a demon to run amuck and possible destroy a whole town. Alistair seemed concerned about my reasoning. He asked how I could be so heartless and how I could just decide who would live and who would die. I tried to explain to him I was doing what I could to save as many people as possible, that the life of one child, regardless of status, was not more valuable than a whole town. We stopped discussing it after that.

We said our goodbyes to Isolde, Connor, and Bann Teagan, the Arl's adviser, and left the castle after getting more supplies. Isolde had offered for us to stay the night in the castle, but I decline. I didn't like being in the castle, I didn't like being surrounded by servants, especially the elven servants. I didn't like how complacent they were with their situation, how content they were to live a life with no freedom. I tried talking to a few of them and they were just as curious about me as I was about them. They told me they were happy here, that it was better than living in an alienage. I asked them why they never decided to join up with the Dalish and they laughed and shook their heads. _Why would we want to live like that? To always travel and live so primitively? _I was surprised; I was shocked that they were happy to live like the shemlens instead of like their ancestors. It was then I learned that city elves were not like the Dalish, they were nearly human.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This was originally part of chapter 1, but I decided to break it into 2 separate chapters. Sorry if this causes any confusion.

Kirielle

We made camp not far outside of the town and everyone quickly busied themselves pitching tents and building a fire.

"So is this what I have to look forward to when traveling with you?" said Zevran, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You Fereldans are so uptight, you know that right?"

I glared at Zevran. "Not everyone is as shameless as you".

"I prefer open, and yes, your Warden companion has already mentioned that once today" Zevran said with the same unapologetic shrug as earlier. "Well, if you're ever looking for a little fun, I'm here you know" he finished with a smile that made me shudder. Zevran left, presumably to try his luck on someone with lower standards.

I wasn't fond of Zevran. He made my skin crawl with how he talked about murder and all the people he's slept with, many of which were his marks who he then killed after sleeping with.

I finished pitching my tent them joined the rest of the group around the fire where Leliana had finished cooking dinner. We ate mostly in silence, like usual. No one was ever sure what to talk about and there really wasn't any common ground between us anyways. We finished and everyone started retiring to their tents for the night.

I sat there by the fire of a while, leaning against Alistair. He was the only person in the group that I actually felt close to. Maybe it was because we were the last two Wardens in Ferelden, maybe it was because at Ostagar he actually treated me as his equal, or maybe it was because he was just so charming without even trying to be. Whatever it was, it made him different from the other humans.

Alistair wrapped his arm around my waist and gently kissed the side of my head. I liked this. I liked how things just naturally evolved from comrades to friends to this, whatever this was. We never really talked about how we got to this point, we never discussed moving into having a deeper relationship, and things just sort of unfolded that way. He had always been there for me, even when I didn't want him to be. I didn't like Alistair at first, he was another cocky human out for glory, he was immature, and frankly whiny, but somehow despite all this he did manage to have a few redeeming qualities. He truly cared about people, he wanted to make people laugh, he had a natural friendliness that just drew people to him, and honestly he was attractive for a human.

"I like holding you like this" Alistair said, breaking the silence.

I smiled and remembered the first time he held me, it wasn't romantic, just comforting. Not long after the Joining I started to have the nightmares like the other Wardens did. They grew worse and worse until one night I woke Alistair up with my thrashing and screaming. He gently scooped me up and held me until I settled down, then he explained that all Wardens had the nightmares, even him, and eventually I would learn to block them out. At first I had wanted to shove him away and scream at him and demand why he thought it was okay to touch me, then I saw the concern in his eyes and realized that he was just worried about me, nothing more. He held me until I drifted to sleep and when I woke he was gone, we never spoke about it.

"Alright. I guess I really don't know how to ask you this." Alistair said awkwardly as he turned to face me, turning bright red as he spoke.

"Ask me what?" I questioned back.

"Oh, how do I say this? You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I… I can't think straight."

"Oh? Thanks a lot." I jested.

"No!" he shouted. "That's not what I meant!" he mumbled afterwards. "Here's the thing. Being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not…ever."

I blushed at Alistair's confession. Things had started to change between us recently. Over the last few weeks we had grown closer, rarely spending time apart from each other. Alistair had also given me something that I found to be absolutely precious: a rose. He had picked it back in Lothering and had been carrying it around since. I teased him about the rose and we joked, but then he surprised me. He gave me the rose and said it reminded him of me; something beautiful in a dark world. I couldn't stop blushing when he told me that, and then the kiss! I still blushed now thinking about it, how he smiled when I accepted the rose and how he leaned in and kissed me. It was full of longing and desire and it was so honest, he really was something else.

"I don't know how to say this another way. I want to spend the night with you. Here, in the camp. Maybe this is too fast, I don't know, but… I know what I feel" he continued.

I froze. I had no clue what to do. I wasn't sure what to think, sure, I had feelings for him, but this was moving rather quickly. Despite joking with Alistair about romance and sex, and teasing him for being a virgin, I have to admit that I was really no better off. Back with my clan I did have a romance of sorts, it was a budding romance, nothing deep or physical yet, but here I stood with a man, a human man, who just asked me to sleep with him.

My face turned even redder. I stared at the ground, unable to make eye contact with Alistair. The idea both enticed me and scared me. I felt aroused at the thought of letting him bed me; he was attractive, for a human anyways and I really did care about him. But the fear of letting this get to far was far too real, I didn't want to someone else I cared for to darkspawn, not after losing Tamlen.

"This is a little sudden Alistair…"

"I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place. But when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn't have even met. We sort of… stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else. I really don't want to wait anymore. I've… I've never done this before. You know that. I want it to be with you… while we have the chance. In case…" his voice and his face fell.

I'd never seen such a sad looking man. I couldn't imagine what his response would be if I told him no, but still, I was torn. I wanted this, to have such a close relationship with someone I cared about, but a human? And yet, here he stood, so different from the others. He was the only human who never treated me as different for being an elf, who came from a race who subjugated my people and humiliated them, and yet dared to see me as his equal.

"There's no need to say anything else. I agree." Even as the words fell from my mouth I was still uncertain about all this, but I knew I cared about him. I knew that he was kind and gentle, he could make me smile, and that he cared about me.

I felt him wrap his arm around my waist. He was smiling, it was gentle and soft and he looked down at my face. I still couldn't fully meet his gaze.

We entered the tent we had been sharing for the last few weeks. Awkwardly he reached out and fumbled with the buckles on my armor. He was shaking, badly.

"If you don't want to do this yet, you don't have too. We can wait." I told him in an attempt to reassure him.

"I'm just scared. What if I lose you? What if we never get to live happily ever after? I just can't. I love you, I really do, and I really want to show you how much you mean to me, and I want to express that to you, physically. Yes, I am a man. Yes, I want to have sex with beautiful women, but not just any woman, but you. I love you."

I blushed even more. "Let me help you with that" I reached up and undid the buckles on my chest piece gracefully even though my hands were shaking just as bad.

Alistair lifted the armor off of my shoulders and nervously slip my blouse off over my head followed by my under garment. There I sat, half clothed in front of a human man. He stared at my breasts with a look of amazement.

"Wow, they're so… perky." He seemed frozen at the sight of breasts, typical man.

I reached out and grabbed his hand and guided it to my breast.

"And soft" he added, never once removing his eyes from my chest.

"Isn't it your turn?" I questioned and I motioned to his own chest piece.

"Oh. Haha. Yeah, I guess that's how this works, doesn't it?"

He had no more luck with his armor than mine and once again it was elven grace under pressure to the rescue.

We sat there awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what came next. Alistair leaned forwards and pressed his lips against mine. It felt different from our previous kisses. This one was deep and nothing was held back. He ran his tongue across my lips playfully. I allowed him to use his tongue to part my lips gently and he took full advantage of that. We had never kissed like this before, with his tongue completely in my mouth. I tried to push his back and instead push mine into his mouth, but he resisted.

Before I knew it, he had me pinned on the ground, kneeling over me and straddling my hips with his hands placed firmly on the ground on either side of his head. He looked down at me with quite the smile on his face and for the first time in my life I felt powerless. He was much stronger than me physically and I knew there was no way I could free myself from him in this position, and yet it was highly arousing for me. Never had I felt so small and dominated and just knowing there was nothing I could do about it only made it more exciting truthfully.

A sheen of sweat already saturated his bare chest and brow and we really hadn't even started yet. Humans were odd. They were so warm. Elves always felt slightly cool to the touch, even sitting next to a fire, I would often lean on Tamlen to feel the way his cool skin would press up against mine in sharp contrast to the fire. It was invigorating. Alistair however was more like a living furnace, even though the only part of him that was touching me were his knees, I still felt intense heat radiating off of him.

"I hope you don't mind" he said with a coy smile. He pushed himself upright so that he was sitting between my stretched out legs now instead. He went for the buckles on my boots, removing them much more skillfully than my chest piece. "Almost there" he reached down and took off his own boots. He paused as he reached his hands up to the buckle on the bottom section of his armor.

I could hear him take a nervous gulp as he undid the buckle and allowed the armor to slide off with a resounding thud. It slammed down onto my legs, I winched.

"I'm so sorry!" he quickly exclaimed. "Stupid, stupid" he mumbled as he quickly picked up and moved the armor off my legs.

Only two pieces of his clothing remained: pants and under garment. He worked to quickly wriggle out of both in the least graceful way I had ever seen. And then there he sat, naked, in my tent, sitting in between my legs.

He made a move for the buckle on my last piece of armor, but this time he fumbled again. I reached my hand down and placed it onto his to help guide him. After a few clumsy attempts the buckle was undone and my armor was off. He gently reached out to the waistband on my pants, nearly forgetting to undo the button, but somehow he managed to remove both my pants and panties at the same time.

I laid there, unsure what to do next. He gently laid himself onto of me. I could feel his warm skin. I could feel every muscle moving under his skin as he worked to position himself to enter me. I could feel him poking about my pelvis making clumsy attempts and I reached down and helped to guide him in.

It hurt. Nothing could have prepared me for that. Alistair pushed himself entirely into me and I felt myself stretch as he did, waves of pain racked my body. I cried out from the pain and whimpered for him to stop. Alistair quickly withdrew himself.

"I'm sorry" I whispered

"Why are you apologizing?! I just hurt you!" Alistair exclaimed looking very panicked and upset.

"I should have warned you, the first time can be painful, I should have warned you. It's best to take things slowly at first, that's all" trying to reassure myself. I knew the first time could be painful, but surely it shouldn't have been that bad? Was it because he was a human? I tried to shake the notions from my head.

Alistair looked partly relieved that my pain was at least natural in origin and partly confused to how I seemed to know so much. "Oh" he began "Maybe we should stop then, I don't like the idea of hurting you".

I shook my head, I wanted to continue even if it did hurt me at first. Alistair looked scared and upset. I reached up and kissed him softly, trying to reassure him that I was alright. "I'm oaky, I promise. I told you that I knew it might hurt me, but that didn't stop me. I want you, I want to be with you" I told him.

A smile started to play across his lips and I saw a spark behind his deep green eyes. His fear faded and instead was replaced with a hunger and desire to pick things back up.

"With your permission I would like to try that again, if it doesn't cause you too much pain."

"By all means, please do" I said with a sly smile "but you must be gentle, I am giving you something special and you must show some manners."

"But of course. A gentleman always knows when to show his manners" he smiled back. I couldn't help but smirk.

He gently pressed into me again, much more smoothly and slowly. I still felt pain, but the pleasure was much more intense. He gently slid just his tip into me and allowed for me to get used to the feeling before sliding it back out. He looked down at me and met my gaze, a questioning look on his face. I nodded back to show him that things were alright so far.

He gently entered me again, pressing in farther this time and I winched a bit. Alistair quickly withdrew himself and froze in fear again at the thought of hurting me. "I promise you that it's nothing I can't handle. I've been shot at with arrows, hit with swords and shields, and assaulted with magic. I'm tougher than I look you know. I just want to work through the painful part as quickly as possible so we can get to the part where I'm screaming your name".

I smiled as I watch Alistair blush. "Maybe you should… um, I mean… just here!" he grabbed my hands and placed them on his hips.

He was shaking badly, was he really that worried that he would hurt me so much? I guided his hips down so that he was pressed up against me and I gently ground my hips against his hardened manhood, he groaned a bit. "Do you like that?" I asked coyly.

"Mmhm" is all he managed to say.

"Do you want to go further?"

"Mmhm" he repeated. His eyes were closed and he was finally smiling.

"Why don't you try actually speaking?" I jested.

Alistair blushed and tried to find words, though he was clearly embarrassed at the thought of actually talking about what was going on. "Kirielle" he began nervously "I want to…" he trailed off.

"Want to what, Alistair?" I said in an attempt to get him to talk about sex. Humans were funny beings, loud and boisterous until it came to talking about anything sexual.

"I want to… Oh, can I just do it instead?" his face was bright red.

"No Alistair. I want you to tell me what you want to do with me. Or would it be better if I said what I wanted first?" I was surprised at my own confidence. I was surprised how comfortable I had gotten with all of this so quickly despite it also being my first time.

"Yes" he answered quietly, he had started to grind himself up against me.

I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what I wanted to say. Suddenly I became the shy one and found that saying what I was actually thinking rather embarrassing. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him closer to me so that I could rub against his stiff erection better.

"I want you to fuck me" I said trying to maintain my air of confidence.

Alistair looked taken back at my inelegant declaration. I laid there under him as he stared at me dumbfounded. I don't think that he realized that he honestly held the power that that point, that when he asked if he could just _do it_ instead of _saying it_ he could have and there would have been nothing I could have done to stop him, not that I would have. I found that I liked being like this, pinned down and helpless, I wasn't sure why, but the thought of him pushing me into submission and having me was very arousing.

"Well, aren't you going to say something?" I asked.

"I… I want to" he stammered.

"Want to what?"

"Do that to you".

I wanted him to say it. "Do what to me?"

This time Alistair didn't answer verbally. Instead he reached down and quickly guided himself into me, entirely into me. It hurt as I felt him completely fill me, I felt him slam into my cervix and just hold himself inside me. I could feel him throb and pulse as my muscles spasm trying to accommodate his girth.

"This!" he hissed. "I want to have you. I've wanted to feel you around me for a while now, and now I do. You're tight, and wet, and warm and every time you clench and spasm I wonder why it took me so long to get you here. I wanted to sleep with you, I wanted to claim you, especially after you said you had never slept with a man before. I wanted to be your first, and I wanted you to be my first. Ever since meeting you at Ostagar I've been draw to you, but never did I think that I'd actually get the chance to sleep with you!"

"Alistair, stop talking" I kissed him deeply and he took the first chance he got to press his tongue into my mouth. I squeezed my legs around him tighter and urged him to go deeper despite my obvious pain. He pressed into my cervix more and I shift around a bit to try to change the angle. Eventually I got myself situated and felt him plunge deeper into me.

He entered me all the way again, quicker this time and with a bit more force. Each time it grew faster and stronger into powerful thrusts that shook my whole body. The pain slowly faded and after a few minutes it entirely disappeared. I tilted my head back and opened my mouth to let soft whimpers of joy and pleasure escape my lips.

He started to grunt, at first it was soft, but he slowly grew in volume until he became almost savage, then all at once he grew quite. He held my gaze for a second before speaking. "I sorry that it was so quick, I just couldn't help myself"

I couldn't respond. I was breathless. I looked up at him, he was still inside me, but I could barely feel him now. He gently slid himself out and collapsed on his side next to me.

"You're burning up." I remarked placing my hand on his chest, I could feel him panting and his heart racing.

"And you're as cool to the touch as ever, it's like none of this even had any effect on you."

"Oh no. Trust me, it did. Elves don't give off heat like humans do. I guarantee it was intense for me too."

"That makes me feel better. I was worried for a moment that maybe it was impossible for a human to please an elf." Alistair said with a joking grin.

"Well, if that was the case, you're the exception then."

Alistair closed his eyes and snuggled his face into my chest. By the Creators was he uncomfortably warm.

"Alistair?"

"Yes?"

"What do you think will happen after all of this is over? After the Blight is stopped and we're no longer traveling like this?"

"It's hard to say, but I'm sure something could work out. I want to be with you."

He was unsure.

I felt my heart sink in my chest. _Something could work out_. What did that mean? He said he wanted to be with me, but did that just mean for now? After the Blight did he not see a future with us? Part of me felt betrayed; didn't humans associate sex with a bond that shouldn't be broken? And he was the one who asked to sleep with me, didn't that mean from his stand point he wanted a deep bond with me? I could cry, and yet he noticed nothing, his eyes were even closed, not paying any attention to me anymore; he got what he wanted anyways.

Within minutes he was asleep, seemingly without a care, snoring lightly with a satisfied smile plastered across his face. I was pinned down again and it looked like my best option was to sleep too.


	3. Chapter 3

Zevran

I watched them enter the tent from across the camp. It displeased me. A shem had managed to seduce her and force himself upon her. I was not normally one to judge people on sexual preferences and whatnot, but this just didn't sit right with me. Maybe it was because I knew how Kirielle felt about the shemlens, the bard Leliana had told me about how Kirielle loathed them for their treatment of the Dalish, and now to see him force himself upon her like that made my skin crawl.

I crept closer to the tent. I could hear muffled murmurs and fumbling. I could hear someone being pushed back onto the ground and a minute later armor landing with a thud followed by Alistair apologizing.

"What an oaf" I muttered to myself, rolling my eyes.

I heard Kirielle gasp in pain. _Well, that answers that then, she's virgin after all. What a shame. She would have been better off with someone more experienced._

I crept away from the tent, I had my answers.

Event at a distance I could hear grunting_. What inelegant noises to make during such a pleasurable time_. I rolled my eyes again. _Humans are barbaric._

I noticed the only sounds I heard from Kirielle was from pain though, which only angered me more, "How can he be so selfish? If I was with her I could give her something to moan about" I said as I caught myself smiling. No one could match an Antivan raised in a whore-house after all.

I settled back down out of earshot, next to the fire and lay with my back to the ground and face to the stars: a position I happened to like a lot. _If he was a real gentleman he would have let her have a little fun on top_. I thought to myself as I laid on my back, smiling at the thought of her on top of me. _There will be time for such thoughts and actions later_.

It had been to long since I was with anyone, and it was starting to get frustrating. Morrigan shot me down before I ever even got a chance to say anything, and truthfully, her rogue magic scared me a bit. Wynne was an option, I had been with older women before and found that the kind of experience that only came with age to be most satisfying, though Wynne's constant nanny-ing typically killed whatever mood I was trying to create. Then there was Leliana, I got the vibe that she was much more like me, more willing to do unconventional things. I also got the vibe she might be a bit more into women than men, which was really no problem. Personally, I preferred women to men, but I'll take it where I can get it.

I closed my eyes and relaxed, trying to prevent my annoyance at the situation from getting to me. I thought of the lovely Warden who spared my life and allowed me to follow her, probably against her better judgment, and how much I would like to pin her down, or even have her pin me down, I was a man of many interests after all.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Antivan translations

Mi dolce: my sweet.

* * *

Kirielle

It had been several weeks since mine and Alistair's first experience. There had been more, albeit clumsy at first, but it was getting better. I was with Alistair all the time now; it just seemed wrong to be away from him, and after our first encounter I knew he could make a good mate.

There was only one thing that bothered me: he was unwilling to discuss things. Amongst the Dalish sex was not secretive or taboo, it was like any other part of life: open for discussion. Sex was a way to find a good mate. Someone who you really clicked with, if you couldn't make that connection with someone how could you spend your life with them? It was common to hear elves discussing sex freely; likes, dislikes, which partners they clicked with and which they did not, and most interestingly enough, techniques. I had heard about scratching, biting, and hair pulling during sex and truthfully I liked the idea of things getting a little rough.

I tried biting Alistair once. I waited for him to be completely absorbed in the moment and I reached up to lightly nip the base of his neck. He panicked and quickly drew back from me, asking "What was that about?! Are you trying to hurt me?!" I tried explaining it was a symbol of passion and trust, but he would have nothing of it. I didn't even dare try digging my nails in his back or getting a handful of his hair and yanking his head back.

There was very little variation because of this; anything that didn't strictly include him on top of me was out of the question. While initially having him dominate me was arousing, it was losing its appeal. I toyed with the idea of shoving him on to his back and doing things my way, but even when I hinted at that he called it unnatural and I had no doubt that if I tried it he would just overpower me and push me down into submission.

Besides the increasingly lackluster sex, Alistair really was a good man. He was kind, gentle, caring, honest, and would anything to make me happy, well almost anything. He would make a good, loyal mate and a strong partner.

We would be traveling to the Brecilian Forest soon, the thought of which filled be with both happiness and apprehension. I wanted to see my clan again; I wanted to show them that I was safe and that I was working on becoming strong enough to stop the Blight. I thought about formally present Alistair to my clan as my chosen mate in the hopes that they would accept him even though he was not an elf. But I still worried about how weeks ago, after our first night, how he wasn't able to answer what would become of us after this.

I gazed to the burnt remains of the fire as everyone else bustled around me to pack up camp.

"What is bothering you _mi dolce_?"

I looked up, not to see Alistair, but Zevran smiling at me.

"That's such an unbecoming look for a woman of such remarkable beauty" he continued.

I had long since learned to ignore or deflect Zevran's flattery and advances. Sure, I was the one who opted to bring him with us, but how was I supposed to know how he was?

"It's nothing" I told the prying elf.

"I can read you much better than that you know. Something troubles you. Could it be that our trip to the Brecilian Forest, your home, is what is troubling you?" he asked.

He was good, he was always good. He was the only person who I couldn't hide things from. Not even Alistair knew my apprehension to visiting the forest and possibly seeing my clan.

"It's about Alistair, isn't it?" he said, raising one eyebrow with a wry smile. "You worry what your clan will think if you brought a shem home with you, and not just any shem but the bastard son of a king, quite the catch, even for a shem" he finished with a short bark of a laugh.

I frowned.

"Struck a nerve, have I? I'm sorry my dear, it's just kind of funny. Usually it's a shem that's scared to bring an elf home, not the other way around!"

"Oh the irony isn't lost on me Zevran. But it is concerning. Face it; our people haven't really had the best dealings with humans and maybe I am worried a bit about my clan seeing me as a traitor for being bedded by a human"

"You know, I could even things out by ravishing you. I know just what you would want, I have… experience. And at least you could tell them you've been with an elf too" he said with a not-so-joking grin.

"I'm going to pass on that" I said flatly.

"Your loss, I'm a delight in bed." He said with a smile.

"Zevran?" I began, "how can you be so casual about sex? It really seems you have no boundaries about anything and truthfully like you really don't care how you get someone to sleep with you."

"Don't you ever say that!" he snarled, his playful eyes narrowed "I do have boundaries! I enjoy sex like any other person, and yes, I have some interesting preferences, but there is a line that I will never cross: I would never force myself upon someone who was unwilling." He sat down with his legs crossed. He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at me.

I crossed a line and struck a nerve this time. "I'm sorry Zevran, I wasn't trying to offend you, and I just genuinely don't understand you. I'm going to ask you something, something very personal to me and if you ever repeat it I will make you regret it."

"That's ok, I like a bit of punishment to liven things up" his sly smile returned.

"This is serious Zevran. And I'm really going to make an attempt to get to understand you better."

"Really? You would want to know about me? I don't think that is the best idea in all honesty"

"And why is that?"

"I've done things I'm not pound of. Things that probably would make you not want me around anymore. Things that would make you view me differently, and not in a good way."

"Then only say what you want, but I want your opinion on a personal matter first."

Zevran looked up and met my gaze, he looked concerned and serious. His almond shaped golden eyes were open very wide and his lips were parted slightly. I had never noticed that maybe under his sleazy personality there might be a real person under all of it. Maybe even a handsome man.

"Zevran, how can you get a person more open to try new things?"

"As in sexually?" he said raising an eyebrow.

"Yes Zevran" I said flatly "sexually."

"Alistair just isn't cutting it anymore is he? You someone more experienced to show you know how it's done" he said as he scooted closer.

"That is close enough thank you very much. I just want you your opinion on how to get him to be more receptive to new ideas."

"Let me get this straight" he said with a smile "you are coming to me, with a request, for sexual advice, for you and the shem man?"

"Don't call him that, he's different from them. He respects me".

"Is that why he won't let you on top? Out of respect?"

"I'm not even going to ask where you got that idea".

"He's loud, you're not. He's obviously enjoying it quite a bit, you… a little less so. It is not difficult for an expert such as myself to connect the dots." He was grinning ear to ear at this point. "He won't let you have any fun, like how I would. You know I've picked up skills one can only learn when one grows up in an Antivan whorehouse. I know how to please a woman, and maybe let her have her way with me instead…" he trailed off with a slight smile playing on his lips "I'm no stranger to letting someone tie me up and have some fun"

My interest piqued at tied up. I couldn't imagine Alistair consenting to this though, even if I was the one being tied up.

"Are you going to be helpful or not, because if this whole conversation is going to be thinly veiled advances then I'm cutting it off here."

"Fine, fine. Just try what you want if you ask me, sometimes you don't know what you like until the option of 'no' is taken away" he said with a shrug.

"I don't think I like that at all. Alistair wasn't fond of things like that. I bit him once and he freaked out and tried to tell me to not to do it again".

"And you just listened? He 'respects' you and 'treats you like an equal' and you let him push you around?" Zevran was visibly angered. "He won't let you have fun and you two only do what he wants. Yeah, that sounds real equal" Zevran crossed his arms and scowled again. "Typical shems, think that they can order around anyone they want, that their way is the only right way. Makes me sick." His eyes had narrowed and I could tell he was scanning the campsite for Alistair.

"I should give him a piece of my mind" he continued. "Where does he get off getting to order you around like that! If anything you should be ordering him around, you're the leader after all, you should have the power and he just needs to deal with it"

"Zevran…" I began, "I'm sorry. I don't know what just happened, but I can tell this is upsetting you a lot. He's not disrespecting me or looking down on me, he's just resistant to change, that's all".

Zevran took a deep breath and steadied himself. "No, I'm sorry _mi dolce_ I shouldn't get so worked up over things that are in the past. What's done is done and now I have a new life here in Ferelden with you, of whom I own my life to. And you won't even let me thank you properly" he said with a cocky smile.

"Zevran, first off all, I'm not '_mi dolce'_ whatever that means. Second, I'm not sleeping with you. Not now, not ever. The end"

"Ahhh, that is what they all say, and it never lasts." He winked.


	5. Chapter 5

Zevran

_Well, it's a start_ I thought to myself as Kirielle walked away. I loved watching her walk away, she had a marvelous backside and I would follow her anywhere as long I could walk behind her.

So what if she still wasn't receptive to sleeping with me? Alistair sure wasn't doing a good job and all I need is one moment of weakness for her to agree. Just one bad fight between the two and then I would be able to make a move on the lovely warden because no one knew more about sleeping with upset women than a man who grew up in an Antivan whorehouse.

I allowed myself to fall back to the ground and stare up at the sky as my mind wandered. I wondered about important things like how large the Warden's breasts actually were and who would be on top when we slept together. Any man who claimed to never have such thoughts was a liar, like men in the chantry.

As high and mighty as Alistair acted I knew it even crossed his mind. They considered it "pure" to not have sex, to not talk about it, to not think about it, and even refused to help themselves out as needed. Not that I was fond of lending myself a hand anyways, it just wasn't anywhere near the same. I had to be getting pretty desperate before that became an option, and unfortunately it _was_ becoming an option.

"This won't do," I mumbled as I rolled onto my stomach "all this thought of the warden's backside is becoming a bit much. It might be time to retire to my tent and pack." I pushed myself up onto all fours and then stood up from there. I glanced around the campsite, but everyone seemed distracted by what they were doing. "I'll have my turn eventually. There's no way she'll stay with the shem." I thought to myself as I walked back to my tent.

I'm sure most people would have disagreed with my intentions at this point, but could you blame me? She was beautiful, long soft gold hair, deep expressive gold eyes to match, perfectly sculpted deep red lips, built in perfect proportion all over. She was the pinnacle of elven beauty and I found nothing wrong with wanting to bed a woman such as her.

Some might question me: what about love? And I would tell them _what about it_? There's nothing I could ever do to curry her favor even if I desired to. Besides sex, what really could I offer her?

I was broken and I knew it, I had come to terms with it long ago and truthfully I was alright with who I was, I was secure with it. There was nothing about me that was lovable. There was no life for me outside the Crows and I knew it. Eventually they would know that I lived and they would come to retrieve their property because that was what I was to them: property. Property that had been bought, property that could be disposed of once its usefulness had run out; and mine had. I failed them, they couldn't let me live, I was a disgrace. Truthfully I didn't plan on assassinating the warden and living, I hoped to fail, to be killed and freed from the Crows, but instead she spared me; possibly an even crueler fate for I now lived in fear as prey.

I tried to shrug off thoughts of my past, but it was difficult. I couldn't run forever and when the Crows come for me I would have no reason to believe that she would not willingly give me up. For now I could be useful to her, even a failed assassin still had skills, and as long as I was useful I was alive.

I saw it as fair enough; if she was going to use me and my skills for her own quest, then I would make using her my own personal goal. The idea of using her, dominating her was intoxicating, she was powerful and I knew by strength alone I couldn't overpower her like Alistair could; her and I were too evenly matched. Alistair towered over her, making her seem exceptionally small whereas I was barely two, maybe three, inches taller than her. I also wasn't trained for strength like Alistair was. I was trained to be light on my feet, quiet and sneaky, and most importantly, fast. Large, heavy bodies do not move fast so there was never any reason for me to train my strength. If anything she was superior to me, a fact which should have stung but instead only fueled my desire to ravish her.

With any hope Kirielle would take my advice and simply try out what she wanted on Alistair and with any luck he would reject it, maybe eve act horrified and push her away if I got really lucky. All I needed to do was wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Kirielle

Perhaps Zevran was right, Alistair might have been closed off to trying new things, but what if he tried it and liked it? I resolved to try something new on him next time we were together.

I got back to my ten, or precisely the tent Alistair and I shared since we started sleeping together. He smiled as I entered the tent.

"Maker's breath you're beautiful, I am a lucky man" he said with a large smile and a look of adoration.

Before he had a chance to say anything else I pressed my chest up against his, felling his warmth through the thin material of my shirt. I held his gaze for a moment before I started kissing him. I didn't start slow, instead I quickly went to part his lips and get my tongue into his mouth. He resisted. After a few seconds of fighting he won and took charge of the kiss. I pressed my hands against his chest and attempted to push him to the ground and pin him, but it was no use, he wasn't even pushing back against me and yet I couldn't move him. I pressed my whole body against him in one final attempt to gain dominance over him. He drew back from me and met my gaze with a chuckle.

"Getting eager aren't we? I can help with that." He said as he quickly pinned me to the ground on my back. Without any hesitation he removed my pants and panties, then his own pants and quickly entered me. He thrust hard into me, grunting as usual. My back didn't arch, I didn't tilt my head back and whimper in pleasure. I just laid on my back and took it.

Everything had started to become so routine, never any variation, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I placed my hand on the back of his head and tried to get a hold of his hair, but it was proving difficult since his hair was rather short. After a few moments and grabbing I got a handful of hair and yank his head back firmly.

"Ouch! What was that for!?" he yelled. He gave me a confused look, but then he smiled "Am I not allowed to look at you anymore when we are together or something? I would appreciate if you didn't do that again."

I begrudgingly released my grip on his hair.

I disliked the way he talked to me like a child sometimes. I also disliked how he seemed to go through great lengths to avoid the word "sex". The man had literally avoided to ever say it, and whenever I said it he would rephrase what I had said but with the word "sex" replaced. It was getting on my nerves.

I reach my hands down to his lower back, or as far as I could reach due to the height difference, and lightly dragged my fingers up his back to his neck, but he took no notice. I repeated it using a little more pressure, but careful not to dig my nails in at all. Still no response. This time I drug my nails against his skin lightly; he furrowed his eyebrows, but said nothing. I dug my nails into his skin this time, making sure to leave scratches up his back, or at least that was the plan. I only managed to move my hands a few inches before Alistair yanked himself away.

"Maker's breath woman! What is wrong with you today?!"

Woman. Not dear, or love, or even Kirielle, but woman.

"Have you lost your mind? Are you trying to hurt me?" Alistair seemed genuinely upset over this. "I think I'm bleeding".

"No, I'm not trying to hurt you and I doubt you're bleeding" I said, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. "And there is nothing wrong with any of this. These are perfectly normal, passionate things to do during sex".

"Let me get this straight, you think biting, hair pulling, and clawing are all appropriate things to do while sleeping with someone?"

"Yes, they are and-" But before I had a chance to continue Alistair cut me off.

"Where did you get these ideas from!? Is this Zevran's doing!? Is this the weird stuff he's into!?"

"In order: my people; no; and I don't even want to know."

"Your people? As in the Dalish? That's where all of this nonsense is coming from?"

"It's not nonsense! You want to know how I know? Because we actually talk about sex freely! Sex is a natural part of life like anything else. There's nothing secretive or taboo about it and maybe if you humans were less shy and cowardly you'd actually talk about it more openly and realize that things like biting are normal!"

I was fuming at this point. Between Alistair's narrow-mindedness and his belief that normal things the Dalish do were "weird" and "nonsense" I was ready to slap him and walk out.

We had been shouting the whole time and I knew by now the rest of camp had heard us clearly. Truthfully I didn't care, so what if they knew we were having sex, I'm pretty sure they already figured that one out. And so what if they now knew about the biting, and scratching, and hair pulling, it was all normal.

I quickly dressed myself in the first skirt and top I could grab and got up to walk out.

"Kirielle, wait!"

"No" I hissed as I shot him a disgusted look.

He reached out and tried to grab my wrist to prevent me from leaving.

"Don't you dare try to touch me after the way you just talked to me!" I snarled as I yanked my arm away.

I left the tent as quickly as I could, half expecting Alistair to follow me, but he never did. I sat down next to the burnt remains of the fire and buried my face in my knees; I wanted to scream in anger and frustration. How dare he talk to me that way and act as if all that was unnatural. Is that how he felt about elves, about me? It was all unnatural?!

I wanted to cry. I felt hurt, and almost betrayed. How could he not realize that he wasn't just insulting my people, but me too?

"What's wrong _mi dolce_? How is it whenever I find you you're always in a bad mood?"

"Not now Zevran, I'm not in the mood" I growled.

"Temper, temper" he said playfully. "What did Alistair do this time?"

"None. Of. Your. Business" I barked at him.

Zevran sat down next to me, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and attempted to pull my face into his chest. I lingered for a moment, he smelled rich and comforting, like mahogany and spices: like allspice and cloves. Why did he have to smell so good? It reminded me of my clan, of the smell of the wooden aravels we traveled on and lived in and of the rich spices we used in cooking. I shoved him off after a second though.

"There, there. No need to be rude. I'm just trying to comfort you" He said while he smirked at me.

"Yeah, well. Don't touch me."

"Fair enough" he said "I will keep my hands to myself, right here, in plain sight" he placed his hands in his lap. "Now why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But we had such a nice conversation earlier. I shared some stuff with you, you shared some stuff with me. I really feel like it brought us closer together."

"Well that's how you feel. I'm still not talking about it though."

"Then I'll just guess then. You tried something new on Alistair, he didn't take it well, he thought you were crazy, and then you two fought. Now you're sitting here waiting for me to sweep you away to my tent to show you how it's done."

I rolled my eyes. I was at the lowest I had ever been and he was still making advances on me. "No Zevran, I do not want you to 'show me how it's done' and I still have no desire to sleep with you."

"And I still say it's your loss, but that's beside the point now. Since you've only denied half of my guess I'm going to assume the rest is more or less correct" he paused. "What it comes down to is that you feel rejected, don't you? Alistair pushed away your desires, maybe even insulted them, and probably refused to see things from your perspective. You feel shut out and as if you don't matter. No?"

I didn't want to admit it, but he was exactly right. I hated it when he was right. He just seemed to understand the world around him, like he had come to terms with it and all of its injustices.

"You haven't answered me, _mi dolce_, but that's ok. I think I have my answer. We can stop talking if you want, just remember my tent is always open for you" he said with a wink as he got up and left.

He was infuriating. He was too brazen and cocky, and always thought he knew what people where thinking. I couldn't stand him and truthfully I regretted not killing him when I had the chance most days.

I watched as he strutted cockily to his tent. He reached it, opened the door only then to turn around and blow me a kiss.

I'm going to slap that smile right off his face the next time I get the chance.


	7. Chapter 7

Alistair

What was wrong with her? Biting, clawing, and hair pulling were most definitely not part of a healthy romantic relationship and now she tries to tell me that her people find it natural and acceptable? I shook my head. This wasn't like her, something was influencing her, I knew it. I was pretty sure it was Zevran, they had been talking a lot more than usual lately and he liked to brag about all the people he's slept with and all the weird and perverted things he's done with them. It made my skin crawl.

Holding someone in your arms, being so physically intimate was a gift from the Maker. It was meant to bond couples that the Maker joined together and to give new life, not for mortals' sick pleasures. Yes, you should enjoy it, but it should be kept sacred and pure, only done with someone you loved and it definitely shouldn't include such unnatural and barbaric practices like biting.

I bet Zevran couldn't stand that she rejected him over and over. I bet he couldn't stand that she had instead chosen intimacy with me over intimacy with him. How could he even think that he had a chance with her? He tried to kill us. He made unwanted advances on her every chance he got, and he had no respect for her. He only saw her as another conquest, another person to sleep with then cast aside. And now he was trying to corrupt her.

I had a difficult time believing that Kirielle came from a people who found such barbaric practices normal and acceptable, but I had no problem believing that a man as corrupted as Zevran could have convinced her that it was normal. He wanted to ruin her; he wanted her to be as twisted and broken he was so that he could coerce her into doing all sorts of unnatural things with him.

I needed to stop him, I needed to protect her from him before he took this too far.

I poked my head out of my tents and scanned the campsite for Kirielle and Zevran. At first I couldn't find them, something I found more troubling and finding them talking. After I moment I spotted Kirielle, she was playing with her Mabari hound, a large, dopey, drooling creature she named Raetus. She always spoke to him as if he was an intelligent being capable of understanding her and she would even take his barks as answers to her questions. Even though it was ridiculous, it was kind of adorable when she did that.

I couldn't find Zevran, but the door to his tent was closed, which usually meant he was in it. I made sure Kirielle was distracted by the hound before I left the tent and I quickly made my way to Zevran's tent and ripped the door open.

"Zevran! What in the Maker's holy name to do think you're doing with Kirielle?!" I shouted at him.

He had his back to me when I burst in, he wasn't wearing a shirt either, but at least he had the decency to have pants on. Zevran didn't look like any human man I'd ever seen, and frankly he was built more like Kirielle than me. He had much more narrow shoulders than any human man and a much smaller frame in general. He also didn't have nearly as much muscle either, but he was definitely in good shape and what muscle he did have was well defined, much like Kirielle. His tattoos were also visible. He bragged about his tattoos quite a bit, people would comment on the one on his face and he would smile and tell them he had some in places they'd never think and offer to show them. To the best of my knowledge no one had taken him up on that offer yet.

He had a large set of black wings tattooed on his shoulder blades, dominating much of his upper back, but even more so dominate were the scars. His entire back was crisscrossed with deep scars, but they were placed carefully as to not mar the wings tattooed on his back. These were the types of scars that loked intentional, they type that were caused by torture and punishment.

I shuddered looking at the Antivan's back. I had been wounded in battle, I had scars, but nothing compared to what he had. One in particular stood out, it ran the length of his back from his left shoulder to the back of his left hip. The skin was pure white and instead of the typical raised scar it was a deep indent as if the skin had been purposely removed.

I felt my blood run cold, that the man sitting in front of me had gone through whatever caused that and lived, especially since it looked intentional. Surely if it was a battle wound he would have died on the field, the blood loss would have been too great unless it was stopped immediately, but someone did that with the intent that he should live after. Zevran was much more intimidating than I had originally thought. The Antivan was not to be trusted.

When he turned around to face me I noticed tattoos along his shoulder and collar bone that matched the one on his face. These swirled and arced across his chest and down his sides, disappearing into his pants. I didn't want to know where they ended.

Truthfully, his tattoos disgusted me. The Maker created us, and then people like him had the audacity to permanently, and voluntarily, alter their bodies. He had no respect for anything.

"And what do you mean 'what am I doing with Kirielle' my dear warden? I assure you that I've been good, I've kept my hands to myself, mostly." A sly smiled played on his lips.

I didn't like that; he's kept his hand to himself mostly? What was that supposed to mean? Has he touched her? It took all of my will power to not knock him unconscious on the spot while he just sat there with that cocky grin on his face.

"Maker help me if you so much as _look_ at her inappropriately I will make you regret ever setting foot in this camp" I hissed.

"Alistair, you need to remember something: I was content to die, it was Kirielle that wanted me."

"She does not want you in any sense of the word, and you need to remember that I'm the one she's chosen. I'm the one she's sleeping with." I crossed my arms in front of my chest triumphantly.

"Yeah, and you're doing a pretty piss poor job with it too, by the way." He smiled.

"I don't know where you're getting that idea from, but that's not the case. She likes sleeping with me. We're in love, something you couldn't possibly fathom."

Zevran let out an unsettling chuckle. "I'll make no attempt to lie to you; I have found sex and love to be highly unrelated. You can love someone and never have sex with them, or you can have all sorts of wondrous sex with someone and never love them, case in point: me. Sex is for pleasure, for fun, for stress release, but you humans have gone and put it on a pedestal and fundamentally changed its meaning. And maybe you're right. Maybe I don't quite get love, but what's wrong with that? I'm perfectly happy with my current situation, unlike you."

"And what is that supposed to mean!?"

"It means unlike you I don't constantly need to feel 'loved' and 'validated' as a person. I live my life how I want, so that I'm happy. I have sex with beautiful women and exotic men, then go about my life relaxed and stress free after that. You on the other hand you have boring, routine sex with Kirielle and ignore her own desires and impulses. You deny her any satisfaction and selfishly only focus you your need, you make me sick. I may not have love, but at least I can please a person. Now" he paused "you've started to get under my skin, please leave before I make you regret it."

I made him sick?!

"Oh, and I'll have you know I never mentioned biting, scratching, or hair pulling to her, she expressed those desires on her own, so take that up with her, not me. And I would let her bite me any day, anywhere." Zevran paused "Good day to you, now leave. I'm done discussing this with you since you won't be civil".

I stormed out of his tent, possibly even angrier than before. How dare he think she was the one who came up with those unnatural things and how dare he deny that he had any doing in it. And then talking about having her bite him, how disgraceful, to talk about defiling another man's love right in front on him. It made my stomach churn.

I couldn't talk to Kirielle now, not while I was this angry, least I might take it out on her when this was all Zevran's fault. I walked back to my own tent and flung myself to the ground. I didn't know what to do or think about any of this anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

Zevran

I couldn't help but smile triumphantly. Alistair was angry with Kirielle, Kirielle felt belittled and betrayed by Alistair. How long could they keep this up is reality? The best part was that honestly I did nothing. I realized that regardless of me talking to Kirielle, this would have happened anyways because of Alistair. He could blame me all he wanted, but when it came down to it, this was all his doing.

I tossed on a shirt, "No need on getting everyone too excited" I muttered to myself. "I prefer to keep some secrets for later."

I took great pride in my tattoos. They symbolized who I was and where I came from. The wings on my back were for the Crows, not that I got a say in that one. All of the Crows had the same tattoo to mark us, it made body recovery easier, and not to mention everyone in Antiva new the mark and what weight it carried. When someone saw the tattoo you could feel their attitude change. They knew they were now dealing with someone superior to them and they often became scared, the fear they showed was intoxicating, to have so much power over a person was amazing and something I'd never grow tired of. The rest of the tattoos came from old elven designs I had seen, they were to honor my ancestors, and also to give my partners something to trace and play with in bed, their placement wasn't on accident. I smiled at the thought of Kirielle running her fingers, and maybe even lips, over my skin, finding the end of my tattoos. I closed my eyes and sighed.

I exited my tent and walked over to where Kirielle was playing with her Mabari hound.

"So, your warden companion paid a visit to my tent and got to see me without a shirt on. I dare say he's seen more of me than you have now. Care for me to even it out for you, or maybe give you the advantage?"

"Andruil help me if you take your pants off I will hurt you."

"Is that a promise? You know I rather like the sound of that." She was glaring at me "Oh lighten up. Can't you take a joke?"

"When it's full of unabashed advances and not a joke? No." She said without any trace of humor.

"Look, I may be only half joking when I say things, but at least with me you know what I'm after. Would I like to sleep with you? Yes. Am I going to declare my undying love for you over it? No. Am I going to act on anything I've said? No, because like I've already explained I do in fact have boundaries and I would never force myself upon someone who was unwilling. As angry as you get over stuff like this, I pose zero threat to you because even though I say things that may seem forward, I know you're still unwilling, and sometimes I just like to get a rise out of people." He finished with a shrug.

"So you're telling me that there's no sexual intention behind what you've said to me? That you just do this to get a rise out of me?"

"_Sometimes_ I like getting a rise out of people. In your case however I'm being a bit more…sincere with my intentions."

"Why are you even bothering with telling me this?"

"Because I find you fascinating. You're strong, powerful, graceful, merciful, and one of the few people I've ever met who have shown no fear to meeting an Antivan Crow. Plus, I'm just really attracted to powerful women." I said with a shrug. "Can you blame me? I've gone through my whole life with the power to hold another person's life in my hands, to control and dominate them with their own fear of death, and then to meet you, and feel what it was like to have my life in the hands of another. It's really quite a rush and honestly I'd rather like to revisit feeling dominated by you."

"Keep talking like that and I will not spare your life next time."

"But are you not sick of feeling dominated? Wouldn't you like to dominate someone? I wouldn't put up to much of a fight you know, unless you're into that." She was scowling again, or maybe that was just her face for whenever we talked.

"I told you that Alistair paid me a visit, and it was about you." I continued "He's upset with you trying to take control of things and thinks I'm the one who told you to scratch and bite and whatnot. Aren't you tired of being pushed around by him and don't you want to know what it's like to be in control? And doesn't it upset you that he thinks that you're incapable to have those desires and that he thinks that I'm the one telling you to do these things? He seems to think that I'm corrupting you or something."

"That's not true! He doesn't push me around and he doesn't think I'm incapable of having desires, he's just not open to trying new things!"

"No, all shems are like that. They want a pretty little doll to tell them how special they are and much they're loved, then they want that doll to lay on her back and just take it so then they can leave feeling like they've done something good for you and gave you pleasure and that they're doing you a favor."

I was getting pretty upset by this point. I wanted to drive a wedge between them and truthfully Alistair was doing a fantastic job of that on his own, but either she really wanted to prove me wrong out of spite or she really did think that all of this was normal. And yeah, it was normal, for a shem. But guess what honey, you're not one of them.

"Look, Kirielle" her expression changed the moment I used her name.

"You've… never called me by my name before" she seemed frozen and confused by this.

"Yes I have."

"No, you always call me, warden, or _mi dolce_, or some other unwanted pet name. But I've never heard you say my name before"

"You… remember stuff like that?" For someone who acted like they could care less about me I found it odd that she remembered a detail like that, it was actually refreshing.

"Well, not on purpose, so don't get your hopes up."

"What a shame. Had I realized that I never used your name before I would have waited until it could have sounded more… passionate"

"You disgust me. Do you even realize that? That all of your flirting and advances and innuendos aren't desirable or attractive and even when I think you've actually come over out of concern it's actually just thinly veiled remarks about wanting to sleep with me. Honestly, I was beginning to think maybe you could be a decent person under all those remarks, but really, you're not. You're right, what you see is what you get with you; a man who is only out for his own desires."

I sat motionlessly, careful to keep my tone and expression flat and calm so she couldn't see that I was actually quite perturbed by her outburst.

"If you wanted to hurt my pride or anger me you'll have to try much harder, I've been called much worst. Perhaps you can ask Alistair, seeing that he is quickly becoming a master at the subject."

Kirielle snarled at me, even baring her teeth a bit. She leapt up and disappeared into the tree line of the surrounding forest. I still made sure to stare at her backside as she left.

Her words stung, even if they were true. In the Crows were we taught to take our pleasures where we could get them, and that happiness was fleeting and it was best just to get it and move on. Still, having her call me out on my intentions wasn't exactly the best feeling. I was frustrated in more than one sense of the word, and trust me, it wasn't because of a lack of trying. The alcohol in this land was vile and bitter, even the wines were bitter, there was nothing to drink. And even though towns had whorehouses, our party had a tall templar road block with a lecture on morals making it just too taxing and bothersome to have any fun.

I wasn't pleased with how our conversation ended, it would make getting her to warm up to me much more difficult, but at this point there wasn't really anything I could do about it.

I gathered myself up off the ground and noticed that Alistair had emerged from his tent to glare at me. I waved and smiled at the templar, only causing his glare to deepen. At least angering Alistair would never get old.


	9. Chapter 9

Kirielle

How could he be like that? How could he even think about trying to sleep with someone when that person is in so much pain? Zevran truly was the worst excuse for a person that I had ever had the displeasure to meet and now I realized that he had no intention of ever changing that. I thought that maybe I had seen something else besides his sleazy personality, that maybe there was one shred of concern and empathy somewhere in him, but I was mistaken because the only thing he showed concern for was fulfilling his own urges.

But at the same time I didn't fully believe that. When I questioned his boundaries he became offended and hurt, and the way he told me that he would never try anything because I was unwilling didn't mesh with what I typically saw of him.

I honestly had no clue what to think of the elf. He was an assassin, but when attacking us he went for a frontal assault, not for a surprise attack and when fighting him head on it was obvious that this sort of fighting was not his forte. He talks about the joy he finds in killing people, but has proven to be pretty harmless. He has no problem sleeping with women in brothels who have probably slept with hundreds of men, and even though he wants to sleep with me he shows displeasure at the idea of me sleeping with Alistair. Everything about that man was a contradiction.

I heard footsteps crunching through the leaves and twigs approaching me. It wasn't Zevran's quiet and graceful footsteps I was expecting, but Alistair's loud and somewhat haphazard footsteps.

"Kirielle, I'm sorry. I'm still not quite sure what I did wrong, but I know I hurt you and that's not alright with me. I want to make it up to you and show you that I really do care about you"

Alistair wasn't a bad man. A little foolish at times, but a good man. He might say the wrong things then not understand what's wrong with what he said, and he might be a bit dense, but he was sweet, he was caring, and in his own awkward way he was romantic.

I was still upset with him, but hearing how Zevran spoke about Alistair made me much more angry than Alistair's actual stupidity had and I felt calm enough to speak to my fellow warden.

"Alistair, I know you don't quite understand me, my people, my ways, and that's alright, but I do want you to make an attempt to understand everything. I don't think you meant it, or even realized it, but earlier how you reacted to me while we were having sex hurt me, it insulted me. You called me and my people strange and our ways nonsense, and that's painful coming from the one you love."

I met the taller warden's gaze. He was crying, but not making a sound. "I'm so sorry" he said, barley a whisper "I'm so sorry". He pulled me close to his chest and held me, whispering apologies in my ear over and over again. He held me tight, as if he was afraid that if he let me go I would be gone forever.

"Alistair" I began "it's getting difficult to breathe.

He quickly released me from his embrace and collapsed to the ground. I sat myself in his lap and nuzzled my head into his chest. He smelled sweet, like juniper berries and pine, with a hint of something deeper, like the incense the chantry burned. His sent was clean and invigorating, in sharp contrast to Zevran's rich dark smell.

I deeply inhaled Alistair's sent and pushed Zevran from my mind. Alistair was the one I wanted to be with. I felt safe with him, protected, even though I knew I could protect myself just fine it was still a nice thought.

"I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore" he said sadly.

Alistair was still crying, but more audibly now. I reached up and kissed his jaw line, unable to even reach his check do to the height difference.

"I still want to be with you, I just want you to be more understanding that just because something is a new concept to you doesn't make it wrong or immoral. I know you spent a lot of time in the chantry and that their views on sex are a bit…strict, but that doesn't mean that just because my people don't share your views that we are unnatural or anything."

Alistair reached his head down so he could rest his check on the side of my head.

"Thank you. I don't deserve a second chance, but yet you've given me one. I don't know what I've done to deserve having you by my side, but by the Maker's grace, here you are. I promise I will not hurt you again, I promise I will be more open"

I turned my head to face him. Our faces were only a few inches apart; his large green eyes were locked on me. I saw love, care, and devotion in his eyes, it made me blush just thinking about how he felt about me. I was still apprehensive about moving forward after Alistair's outburst earlier, but his apology felt sincere and I knew that he would never intentionally hurt me.

I kissed his lips softly, allowing my lips to barely brush his. I pulled back to meet his gaze. He looked at me star struck. I kissed his forehead this time, barely allowing my lips to brush his warm skin. He seemed frozen in place. I kissed down his neck softly and made my way to his collar bone.

At this point his eyes were closed. He was smiling at the feeling of my cool lips brushing his warm skin. I wanted to kiss him all over and watch his reactions. I tugged his shirt down to kiss wherever I could on his chest, but the high collar on it was preventing much progress. I reached my hands under his shirt and started to pull it up. He twitched as my cool hands ran across his warm, smooth chest and he opened his eyes and gave me a concerned look, but I stared back with determination. Alistair backed off and allowed me to continue.

I pulled his shirt up so I could access his entire chest and gently kissed from his collar bone all the way done to the top of his pants. I could sense him becoming somewhat uncomfortable so I worked my way back up to his chest and covered him with soft kisses. I reached out and gently pinched one of his nipples and once more he twitched, but this time I did not look up at his face, I simply continued. I twisted and rolled it in my fingertips and heard him sigh contentedly. Maybe Zevran did have one point: that sometimes you just needed to go for it and give it a shot.

I placed my mouth over his other nipple, allowing my tongue to gently trace delicate swirls around it. This time he let out a small moan, not his usual grunt. I felt great satisfaction hearing him make that noise, that I controlled his pleasure right now, not him.

I turned my body so that I was fully facing him and wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and gently began to rub myself against the firm bulge I felt between his legs. Another moan escaped his lips. His eyes were closed now, his head tilted back and his lips slightly parted. I bit down on his nipple, not too hard, but still with decent force. He gasped and I felt the bulge between his legs twitch.

"So are you still against me biting you?" I asked as I bit down on him again.

He simply moaned in response, unable to form words.

I pressed my lips against his shoulder now, where I had tried biting him before. I felt his whole body stiffen, he knew I was about to try biting him again.

"Relax" I cooed to him "I won't bite too hard, I promise" and with that I sunk my teeth into his skin. He winced, clearly in pain. I pressed down on him with my hips with a bit more force, hoping to distract him from the pain.

"I'm sorry, but that really hurts love" he said softly.

I apologized and decided to keep it to light nipping. I gently nipped at his neck, then his chest, then down his stomach, coming to a rest at his hip bone. I ran my tongue across his hip bone then gently nipped it too. I reached up and pressed against his shoulders, signaling him to lie down on his back, and surprisingly he complied.

I laid myself upon his bare chest and ran my hand down to where legs met. He was so stiff in my hand. He moaned as I gently began to squeeze his tip through his pants. I smiled as I realized that my touch could bring the mighty warden to his knees. I felt a sense of pride knowing that my touch was what he craved. I slipped my hand into his pants and undergarments so that I could feel his shaft for myself. I felt him throb as my cool fingers touched him for the first time.

"Maker's breath you're amazing" he moaned as I gently ran my hand up and down his manhood. With each stroke I applied more pressure and moved a bit quicker. His moans grew louder and sharper with every stroke. I continued for several minutes, varying my speed and pressure, watching him build up only for me to slow down. I stopped abruptly and watched his eyes shoot open in confusion and disappointment.

I smiled at my confused lover "I think I've toyed with you enough for now" I said with a sly smile. I pushed myself up off my chest and lay down on my back. I lifted my skirt up, allowing him access to my panties.

His eyes grew large with hunger and desire and without any hesitation he removed the rest of his clothing. I pulled my panties down until they just hung around one ankle.

"Thank you" he whispered and he plunged himself into me.

I felt my muscles stretch to accommodate his girth and hissed with pleasure as I felt him fill me. It was like the first time again, I felt intoxicated, not bored, by him dominating me. I knew there was no way for me to push him off of me if I wanted to and it made my head dizzy with excitement. He thrust himself deep into me and grunted in pleasure as he penetrated my tight, wet core. He looked so savage and powerful and I felt myself loosing it as I watched just how powerful he could be.

He reached down and squeezed my breast until it hurt, but the pain from that only intensified the pleasure of him thrusting into me. He started to move faster, his grunting grew more feral and I found myself screaming his name for the first time. I screamed for him to move faster and push into me deeper until I lost the ability to form words and simply yelled in pleasure. I felt myself tense around his hard shaft deep within me and moaned at the tingle that started to build between my legs, but all at once it was gone. I felt Alistair release within me and stop. The tingle in between my legs faded before it had a chance to become more and I wondered what that tingle was about.

Alistair withdrew himself from me and collapsed with his face against my breasts. I ran my fingers though his hair and reached down to kiss the top of his head. The large warden yawned, worn out by his exertion.

"You can't just go to sleep now" I cooed softly "The rest will wonder what happened if we were to be gone for a few hours."

"I'm pretty sure the rest know exactly what happened" Alistair said with a chuckle and is nuzzled his face further into my breasts "you're not exactly quiet my love" he teased.

"You were pretty loud yourself" jested back.

Alistair gently lifted up my shirt and kissed my breasts, his lips were so warm. I would never get used to how warm humans were compared to elves.

"We should head back to camp; we need to finish packing so we can travel to the Brecilian Forest in the morning" I said softly.

Alistair sighed, but didn't argue as he removed himself from my bosom. He stood up and began putting his pants back on but made sure to give me a longing look.

"Don't look so distraught Alistair, there will be time for more tonight" I said reassuringly. Alistair moved quickly to dress himself, however I remained unmoved on the ground.


	10. Chapter 10

Alistair

"So I have to get dressed, but you don't?" I said as I looked at my lovely warden as she remained laying on the ground. Her shirt was still pulled up, leaving her soft breasts exposed, her skirt was still upturned and her panties were tangled around one of her ankles.

"A true gentleman redresses his lady" she said with a sly smile.

I reached down and delicately slipped her panties around her tiny ankle and started to pull them up. One thing I would never get used to was just how small she was. Sure, she was still taller than a dwarf, but much smaller than any human woman I'd ever met. Not that her size gave her any disadvantage, I've seen her take down Hurlock alphas without any difficulty.

Also just how cool she was to the touch, regardless of the temperature outside or how vigorously she had been battling, her skin was always cool. She explained it once, that the elves' longer lifespan were a product of their bodies' efficiency, that because their bodies were so much more efficient that they didn't have to work as hard to keep themselves alive. Less work meant their bodies worn out at a much slower rate than humans or dwarves and also less work meant less heat generated.

I tugged her skirt and shirt back down where they belonged and gently helped her up. I dusted the dirt from her back and helped to remove twigs and leaves from her golden hair. After I finished she just started at me, golden almond shaped eyes open wide, lips slightly parted. She rubbed at her eyes, obviously exhausted after everything.

"Tired, my love?"

"Yes" she answered trying to hold back a yawn. "Will you carry me back to camp, I fear I'm too sore to walk" she cooed.

"Of course. If it was up to me you would never have to walk anywhere again, I would always carry you." I swept her up with ease and held her sideways against my chest. She nuzzled her face into my chest and breathed deeply.

As I carried Kirielle back to camp I couldn't help but think what our companions would think when we arrived. Sten and Morrigan would probably roll their eyes, Leliana would get all flustered and excited; she smiled and fawned over whenever Kirielle and I just held hands. Wynne would just smile and keep to herself. I often wondered what she thought about, probably reminiscing about her own days of young love. And then there was Zevran. I hoped he would be angry, I hoped I could see rage on his face as I triumphantly carried Kirielle into the camp. I hoped that he had heard her screaming my name. More than anything I wanted to get under his skin, to prove he may know how to treat a whore, but I knew how to treat a lady.

We entered the camp and everything went much the same as I thought it would. Leliana rushed up to us the moment she saw us.

"You two were gone forever! First Kirielle ran into the forest without any weapons or armor, then you disappeared, but you went unarmed too! You know we were all really worried about you two!" Leliana lectured us for a few minutes before adding "But judging by your faces, and the screaming, things went more than just fine." She finished with a wink.

I looked down at my lovely warden still in my arms, her face was buried in my chest and she refused to look at anyone, but I could see she was turning red.

"It's nothing," I began "we had a little disagreement, then we made up" I declared.

"And out" giggled Leliana.

Morrigan and Sten were both rolling their eyes and Kirielle's blush was deepening.

"As joyous of a time the two of you seem to be having, not all of us need to hear it you know" Morrigan scowled, Sten nodded in agreement.

Wynne chuckled "They're young and in love, let the poor things be. Both of them have turned so red already" Wynne smiled.

It was a little awkward knowing that the entire camp had apparently heard us, but at the same time I was too happy with having Kirielle back to be that concerned.

Zevran was nowhere to be found though, much to my disappointment.

Kirielle began to squirm in my arms, wanting to be set on the ground. I gently lowered her to her feet and kissed her forehead softly.

She smoothed out her skirt before she spoke "Now that we're all here and I have your attention…" she paused "There has been a change in plans, we'll be heading to Orzammar first instead of meeting up with the Dalish clans. We've lost so much time over the last few weeks in Redcliff and in the Circle Tower that it would be better to wait until the clans moved again, they'll be too deep in the forest by now."

"Well, actually we're not all here; Zevran has been gone for a while" began Leliana. "Not long after you two left he headed off in the opposite direction. He seemed distracted, but at least he was smart enough to bring his daggers with him" Leliana scolded.

That left me feeling unsettled. I didn't trust the Antivan and then for him to up and disappear right after we did. Something didn't feel right. But I tried to push that from my mind, no need to let him ruin my mood.

Kirielle began again "With the exception of our assassin, is everyone else ready?"

The group nodded in approval.

"Good, we head out tomorrow at first light. It'll be 3 or 4 days until we reach Orzammar but it's best not to waste time."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, it was a stretch and I had to bend down a bit to reach her properly, but I would never trade my tiny elf for anything.

"I'll join you later for dinner, but for now I need to finish packing" she told the group. I watched as she walked off to our tent, I hated to admit it, but I knew why Zevran always watched her walk away.

I followed her back to our tent and helped her pack. Extra food, weapons, and armor were tucked into the correct packs. Personal effects were gathered and carefully stowed away and everything was piled together to easily grab in the morning.

"There's still time before dinner" I said happily as we finished packing the last few things.

"Yes, but being that neither of us are very quiet people, perhaps now is not the time either" she didn't mean it in a mean way, I'm sure she was still embarrassed about everyone hearing her during our earlier escapades.

"Well then we won't let things get too intense then" I said with an excited smile. I wanted to feel her again, the way she squeezed me as I entered her, the way she bucked against me, trying to force me deeper, and the way she said my name. My heart raced and the thought of being with her, she was so beautiful, so perfect, and so much more. She was calm and restrained when need be, powerful and dominating in battle, almost feral, and in bed she was entirely something else. Truthfully I was concerned about her notions of what was acceptable bedroom behavior, causing your partner pain seemed wrong, yet I felt aroused as she nipped my skin and especially when she turned the tables and was on top.

I ran my hands under her shirt, feeling her cool skin for the third time today. Maker's breath I was a lucky man. She returned the favor and ran her hands under my shirt and up my back. Instantly she began to lick and nip at my neck, something that still felt strange and alien to me, but it was still _very _arousing. She was sitting sideways in my lap, her face buried in my neck as I felt her teeth graze my neck, it hurt. I tensed up at the pain, it wasn't much, but still took me by surprise. She drew back from me and looked concerned.

"I'm sorry my love, you surprised me, that's all" I lied.

She went against everything I was taught. Love making was supposed to be kind and gentle, not savage, filled with biting and scratching. Truthfully, I still feared the smaller warden. She hadn't been raised with humans; she grew up unbound and feral, like no woman I've ever known. She was typically kind and good natured, loyal to her companions, and a natural and charismatic leader, but in battle she changed. Her eyes grew cold and almost lifeless, she looked less like a person and more like some great predator sent forth from the veil to do a demon's bidding. I would rather kill the Archedemon twice over than face her in battle. Ever.

I snapped back to the present, she was still staring back at me, her beautiful golden eyes open wide, filled with concern. "I promise my dear that everything is just fine" I said with a weak smile.

Her eyes softened and she began to turn her attention to my chest. She lifted my shirt and giggled. I quickly looked down to see what she found so amusing. My chest was covered in little bruises from where she had nipped at me before.

"It's like I marked you as mine" she said as she continued to giggle.

It wasn't funny. It took a lot of restraint not to scold her about just how odd this behavior was and who it was not alright to leave bruises on your lover. By Andraste what would the others say if they saw my chest like that?

"Kirielle?" I questioned her.

"Hmm?" she responded without taking her lips off my chest.

"I think you may have gotten a little carried away earlier, I'm all bruised up" I said in the most lighthearted way I could manage.

"But isn't it a nice reminder of our time together?" she questioned back with a smile.

"It's just not normal if you ask me" I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. Of all the ways to tell her I was uncomfortable I chose 'not normal'.

"_Not normal?_" she hissed "You think I'm _unnatural? _That my people must be savages to practice such a thing?" Her eyes narrowed and her lips were pulled back into a snarl. She had a temper, she was typically calm and gentle but if she felt threatened or backed into a corner she completely changed.

I knew better by now that those questions were not supposed to answered, not directly anyways.

"My love, that's not what I said, I said-"

"_It's just not normal, _that's what you said. Maybe it's not normal for you, but keep in mind I'm not a human like you. Do you know all the things I've done since joining the Grey Wardens that I've found not normal. How about at Ostagar when the soldiers automatically assumed I was a servant, that wasn't normal for me. Or how about when I was told I couldn't wear my Dalish armor because 'it's not acceptable for a woman to show that much of her body'?! Or how about whenever we go into a town and everyone looks from you to me and just assume I'm some elf you bought to follow you and fill your desires, I see the way the townspeople look at me!"

"Kirielle, look I'm sorry. I just tend to forget you're an elf, I forget that you do odd things sometimes, you don't mean it. But it's ok, I think I'm learning to look past everything!"

She stared at me in disbelief. "I can't deal with this right now, I can't deal with you" she spat at me angrily. She snatched up her belongings and stormed out of the tent.

I didn't chase her. I didn't the first time and I was too much of a coward to chase her the second time either.


	11. Chapter 11

Zevran

I didn't know how long I had been gone for. Kirielle had rushed into the forest after our conversation, I had upset her, but could what I said really be of any shock at this point? I made no secret of my desires after all, I didn't like playing coy like the shemlens.

After Kirielle fled for the forest, Alistair noticed her absence and followed her and not long after that I heard it. We all heard it: her screaming his name, begging him for more. I was repulsed that the shem was bedding her again and she was screaming his name. He didn't respect her, he rejected her race and culture and made her feel terrible about her own desires, and yet he still thought to sleep with her. My blood boiled.

After I heard her I grabbed my daggers and headed in the opposite direction, wanting to get as far away from the source of the noise as possible. I wandered until I found a clearing and began practicing my throwing skills. I had been at it for hours no doubt, and the tree I had been using as my target was riddled with deep holes and splinters. I threw until my arms were too sore to lift them anymore, then I flung myself down on my back.

Her voice still rang in my ears, causing me to snarl. A shem did that to her, the very kind that hunted and enslaved our people now dared to take advantage of her. I felt my anger rising the more I thought about it. I took several deep breaths and steadied myself; high emotions lead to bad decisions.

I don't know how long I laid there for, the sun had set and I could hear wildlife stir around me. I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to wander far from this place. I thought of my own country, a warm, dry country filled with beautiful views of the sea and great rolling hills covered with vineyards. I missed my home. I missed the fine wines and beautiful crafts. I missed the smells of the rich spice markets and the taste of the foods of my country. Ferelden was plain and simple, the wine was bitter and the ale was too strong, the food was bland and the markets were dreary. The people were wary and inhospitable for the most part and the women here couldn't hold a candle to the beauty of Antivan women. Well, one could.

My mind wandered to the lovely warden. I didn't know much about her besides she was a Dalish elf and grew up without the oppression most elves faced. She was wild and beautiful, entirely unaffected by the shemlen's cruelty, or at least it seemed so. I was upset that her first time sleeping with a man had been with a shem, their views on sex were warped and I couldn't imagine a powerful woman like Kirielle enjoying just laying on her back.

I felt my lips curl into a snarl again at the thought of that shem taking advantage of her and her inexperience. I was getting nowhere with my anger and should have really known better than to let my anger get to me so much. I gathered up my daggers and began to head back to camp, hoping that the shem would stay out of my sight.


	12. Chapter 12

Kirielle

How could Alistair be so cruel? How could he look down on my people, on me like that? We weren't normal, that's what he thought. That elves were uncivilized, that we were just savage forest people who needed the guidance of the mighty humans.

One part echoed in my mind though "_I forget that you do odd things sometimes, you don't mean it. But it's ok, I think I'm learning to look past everything."_ He didn't see me as me, he didn't see my wants and desires and what I wanted, but as instincts of my people, he saw an elf first, then Kirielle second.

For me, being with a human was no easier than him being with an elf. My people had been hunted and enslaved by humans, forced to live in squalor in alienages or hunted down in our own forests. And yet I was able to see goodness in Alistair; that not all humans were monsters and it was unfair to group them all together. But he was still unable to see me, all he saw was an elf. Something strange and different that needed to be brought into the _civilized world_.

I made my way across the camp to Leliana's tent and gently rapped my knuckles against the supports of her tent. Leliana opened the flap to her tent.

"Kirielle, what's wrong? You look like you've been crying. Come in!"

I mouth thank you, unable to actually form words. I entered the tent and told her about what Alistair had said to me. I could see the shock and horror on her face as I recounted it.

Leliana shook her head and gently placed her hands over my own. 'I'm am not sure what to make of this" the bard began "but this is distressing, our two wardens are fighting. You should stay here tonight, maybe in the morning you two can talk about it and resolve this issue."

"It's no use, he'll always see me as different. It's how he was raised, in Redcliff castle surrounded by elven servants. Then as a templar. You know the chantry would send templars into the Brecilian forest to track down elves who could use magic. Elven mages were never given the option to join the circle, they were just slaughtered." I told the bard coldly.

I heard her gasp. Despite her spending time with the chantry it seemed she didn't know about how they slaughtered elven mages.

"I'm so sorry" Leliana said. Her face was downcast and she was nervously fidgeting with her hands. "I had no idea the chantry was capable of such things, I would have never joined-"

"It's alright, you didn't know." I felt no anger at Leliana for being part of the chantry, she had sought their guidance and acceptance after having a difficult life and I could not blame her for that. Leliana treated me differently that she would have treated a human, it wasn't poor treatment or like I was inferior. She wasn't cruel, but she did still saw me as different.

The bard was at a loss for words, she looked so sad at not being able to say anything to make the situation any better. "I should get dinner started" she said meekly "we wouldn't want Morrigan to be left along with that, Maker only knows how that would turn out" she added trying to lighten the mood. "I'll bring yours back to the tent, there's no need for you to go out and face anyone tonight."

She left the tent. I curled into a ball and began to cry. I shed tears for my clan, who I missed dearly. I shed tears for the people in Lothering who died at the hands of the Darkspawn that I was unable to stop. I cried for the mages in the Tower who were turned into Abominations that I in turn had to kill. But most of all I cried for me. I cried because I let a human trick me, because I believed he loved me and accepted me, but he didn't, and even if he had loved me he still wanted to change me. I cried because I trusted him not to be like the other humans, and he was.

I cried until I ran out of tears, mentally exhausted I feel into a deep sleep. At one point Leliana woke me up for dinner and I ate a few bites but didn't have an appetite. I slept, but I was plagued with nightmares. The Archedemon spoke to me, showing me terrible visions of everything being destroyed and my companions being killed. I had nightmares of being caught by slavers, ripped away from my clan, and being sold to the humans. I saw templars attacking my clan, trying to kill the Keeper for her magic, one of the templars turned around to face me; it was Alistair, his face twisted in cruelty.

I shot up from my bedroll, wide awake and covered in a cold sweat from the images in my nightmares. The sun had risen and Leliana had already left the tent; I could smell breakfast cooking. I rubbed at my face and could feel the tears dried on my skin. I needed to bathe, not only to clean but to just try to wash away all the fears from my nightmares.

I gathered what I would need: soap, cloth for washing myself, clean clothes, and exited the tent. Leliana smiled when she saw me.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked.

I smiled weakly, trying not to give my friend any reason to worry about. I nodded and told her that I was heading to the river to bathe.

"Ok, breakfast should be ready when you get back" she said cheerfully.

I looked around the camp, Leliana was cooking, Wynne was chatting with Leliana as she cooked, Sten was meditating, Morrigan was absorbed into a book, Raetus my marbari was playfully digging, but there was no sign of either Zevran or Alistair.

"Leliana," I began, "where are Alistair and Zevran?" I asked.

"Alistair hasn't woken yet it seems" the bard answered.

"And Zevran?"

"He… hasn't returned yet. He disappeared last night after you and Alistair left and no one has seen him since".

That was cause for concern. Zevran wandered sometimes, heading in to the forests with his daggers, but he always returned after a few hours. The fact he had been gone since early yesterday evening and he still hadn't returned worried me.

"I'm sure he's ok" Leliana said gently "He's an Antivan Crow, he's faced worst than a forest." Leliana tried to comfort me.

"I'm going to bathe, if he hasn't returned by the time I'm back, we go looking for him" I said decisively. I may have not liked the Crow, but it was my decision to bring him with us and if something happened to him while I led this group I wouldn't be able to stand it.

I headed to the river in the forest. It was only a few minute's walk to it, but it felt like a different world. I kept my short swords with me even when going to bathe, we might not be in Darkspawn territory, but there were still other dangers that lurked in forests.

I reached the river without incident. I shimmied out of dirty clothes and waded into the river, treasuring the way the cool water lapped at my skin. I had always felt at home in the water and had many fond memories of splashing and playing in the water with my clan. I sunk under the surface and swam, losing myself in pleasant memories. I missed my clan, I missed our keeper who always had everyone's best interests at heart, I missed the women who raised me after my parents were killed, I missed the people who I grew up with and played with. I missed running through the forest, me with my swords and Tamlen with his bow, as we hunted together, making the elders proud of us. I missed Tamlen, I missed his confident smile, his fearlessness, and the way he went out of his way to protect me even though he knew I could easily protect myself.

I had loved him, and I knew he had felt the same way. We never talked about it, we just understood it, even though we didn't have a physical relationship he showed his love in different way. The way he would always ask what I was thinking about, they way he went out of his way to talk to me. My hand reached up to the wooden amulet I always wore, it had been a gift from Tamlen just weeks before he died. He carved it for me, it was a simple, smooth wooden disc with an engraving of halla horns on it as a symbol of good luck. I cried and pressed the amulet against my cheek.

I wanted to go back to that day; I wanted to let him kill the humans before they had a chance to tell us about the ruins. We would return to our camp and be praised for protecting our clan from them, we would sit by the fire and playfully tease each other, leaning against each other as we often did for support. I cried. Why couldn't have Duncan saved Tamlen! Tamlen could have become a warden too, at least we could have been together. Tamlen could've been traveling with me, I could have spent nights with him gazing into the stars and smiling.

It wasn't fair. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be leading this group of misfits: a mercenary bard who joined the chantry, a dangerous witch of the wilds, a murderous qunari warrior, a nanny-ing mage from the circle, an over exuberant war hound, a whiny ex-templar, and a promiscuous ex-Antivan Crow who tried to kill me. But at the same time I couldn't come to abandon them, I had seen the good in them and had a responsibility to do what I could to end the Blight. I joined the Grey Wardens to save not only my own life, but to protect those I held dear to me, my clan, and now these misfits too. Even Alistair and Zevran.

I held myself underwater until my lungs burned, sitting on the riverbed allowing the currently to gently move me. I felt my foot catch on something. I reached at it to find myself tangled into gnarled roots and weeds, unable to free my foot. I panicked and started thrashing about trying to free my trapped foot, but it was no use. I felt the gnarled roots cut into my ankle, causing me to bleed. I felt my vision fading, my lungs were on fire and I felt myself losing consciousness.

Everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Antivan translations, and an apology. Sorry to the native Italian speakers for bastardizing your language to create Antivan.

Mi bella: my beauty

Prezioso: precious

Un tesoro: a treasure

Come una piuma: like a feather

"Io lussuria per toi" and "Io ti desidero per mio" will be translated in text in a later chapter.

* * *

Zevran

I ended up staying out all night; I had no desire to see any of the group so I wandered the forest after I left the clearing instead. I walked for hours with no goal in mind, I knew I'd have to return to them at some point, I swore an oath to travel with Kirielle and to protect her until the Blight was ended and I never went back on my word.

I walked until the sun rose, and that's when I heard it. It was soft and muffled, barely audible even for my trained ear. Crying. Someone was crying. I crept closer to the source of the cries and that's when I saw her. Kirielle, submerged in the river sobbing, only her face visible out of the water. She took a deep breath and disappeared under the surface. I watched in curiosity.

A minute passed. Another half minute passed and she did not surface. I felt fear rising in my chest, then I saw thrashing under the surface of the water. I abandoned my hiding spot, she can yell at me all she wants for watching her, but I can't let her drown. Even if she sends me away after this I cannot abandon her. I rushed into the water and desperately tried to bring her to the surface, but her foot was trapped and bleeding in the roots in the riverbed. I worked frantically to cut the roots off her and free her. Her eyes were closed, she was unconscious. I was terrified of losing her, she may not like me, but I couldn't live with the thought of her dead.

I finally freed her foot and rushed her to the surface. She wasn't breathing, and I couldn't find a heartbeat. I carried her to the shore and pressed my ear to her chest, her heart was beating, but barely. I pressed my palms against her chest, trying to help her heart, but she still wasn't breathing or showing any signs of life. I took a deep breath and pressed my mouth against hers, trying to breathe life into her still body.

My eyes watered and I kept pressing against her chest and trying to give her air. After several tense minutes I felt her take a breath on her own, her heart started to beat stronger. I breathed out in relief, unaware that I had even been holding my breath the whole time. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Zevran…?" she asked confused by my presence over her.

I scooped her up and wrapped my arms around her. I needed to feel that she was real, that she was safe and alive.

"What happened? Where am I? Why are you here?" she questioned.

I couldn't find words, I had been so scared to lose her and now all I wanted was to hold her.

She stared up at my distress. I could see the gears in her mind turning. Then her eyes turned against me. She realized that she was naked, that I must have watched her bathe.

"You!" she screamed in horror.

"I know this looks bad but-"

"You watched me bathe?!"

I couldn't lie to her, I had watched her bathe, but until I went to rescue her I didn't see anything. "I was in the woods" I began "I heard someone crying so I rushed over and saw you upset, I promise I saw nothing of you besides your face. Then you disappeared and I saw thrashing and I panicked and I swore an oath to protect you and like hell I would just stand aside and let you drown. I don't care if you hate me, I don't care if you send me away, but I meant it when I said I would protect you, you are _prezioso _to me. Precious to me."

I watched Kirielle's expression changed, her face softened and fell. I knew she didn't trust me, and she might not ever trust me but I still need to protect her.

"Here" I said as I handed her the towel, making sure not to stare at her nakedness.

"Thank you" she said.

"I'm sorry," I began "I invaded your privacy and have undoubtedly lost your trust. I cannot say how much sorrow I feel for hurting you, but I will protect you."

I retrieved her clothes for her and turned away as she dressed. I didn't want to lose any more of her trust today.

"Zevran?" called out a soft voice.

"May I turn to face you?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes" she was dressed now. "Thank you for saving me, and while I am upset at you for watching me bathe, I'm glad you were here, otherwise..." her voice trailed off.

I wrapped my arms around her. "Please don't thank me, and please don't think any less of me. You are _prezioso_ to me after all" I placed my hand on her cheek and gently cupped her face. I wanted to kiss her, but I knew I'd be pressing my luck.

"What in the Maker's holy name are you doing to her?!" I heard an angry voice yelling at me.

"Blasted templar" I mumbled as I pulled Kirielle closer to me.

I could see Alistair tensing up, his hand already reaching back for the hilt of his sword. I didn't need this right now, not in front of Kirielle with her already being so stressed and upset.

I stepped in front of her, doing my best to shield her from Alistair.

"My dear templar, surely there's no need for things to go like this" I said with what I hoped was a genuine smile, "surely there is no need to draw weapons."

"I'll be the judge of that, knife ears" he spat, I felt Kirielle cringe at his words, _knife ears_; she knew that even though the words were incorrectly directed to me, they applied to her by extension. "If you've touched her in any way you'll answer to me."

Alistair's stance grew more menacing, he was out for blood. On any other day I would have happily leapt at the chance to spill his blood, but not today, not in front of Kirielle.

"Alistair," I began "I know this doesn't look particularly good to you right now, but Kirielle has been through a lot and the last thing she needs right now is more fighting. Please don't put her through this."

I could hear Kirielle shifting around behind me, her tiny feet crunching twigs and leaves as she fidgeted about. It was rare for her to be so quite; she was typically very opinionated about everything and yet now she couldn't seem to find any words it seemed.

She finally spoke up "Knife ears? Is that how you think of me too?" her voice was so soft, barely a whisper.

"What?" asked Alistair.

"Knife ears," she said louder "is that how you think of me too?"

The ex-templar froze, aware of what he just said. "No, of course not! You're not like him, you're different!"

"And that's the problem, in your eyes I'll always be different." I heard her sniffle. I turned around to see her eyes tearing up. I reached back and grabbed her hand.

"Can't you see how you treat her?! Can't you see how much you insult her and her people, and how you hurt her?!" I yelled back at the templar angrily. I felt my blood boiling again. How could this man possible be this stupid and self absorbed? How could it not occur to him that by incorrectly calling me knife ears that he was also calling her that since we were both elves after all and she was actually Dalish.

"Don't you _ever_ talk like that in front of her again." I snarled "She is _un tesoro, _a treasure, and deserves to be treated as such."

Alistair knew that he had messed up this time. I could see him going through his options as he stood before me.

"Yeah, well, at least I wasn't the one spying on her. At least she can trust me. I heard what you told her! I heard her screaming at you!"

His words stung much more than I'd care to admit to. I knew she didn't trust me, even I wouldn't trust me. She had no reason to, I tried to kill her and then did nothing but make advances on her. I'm not saying I've changed, expect for the killing her part, but I did still rather want to sleep with her, even if it was just one casual encounter.

"I will tell you what I told her and I'll even go slowly so you can follow along." I hissed "I've been out in the forest since yesterday evening. When I was wandering this morning I heard someone crying so I went to investigate. That's when I found Kirielle crying, she was submerged in the river so I only saw her face. I watched for a moment but then she went underwater and didn't come back up and I could see that she was thrashing about under the surface and couldn't get back up for air so I raced in after her. I freed her from what was holding her foot down" I gestured to her bleeding ankle "and brought her to shore. She wasn't breathing and her heart was barely beating so I did what I could to revive her and I could see that she was shaken after everything so I held her for a moment, then you burst in screaming like a lunatic and that brings everyone up to speed."

"I don't believe you".

"That's fine, I never asked for you to anyways. No skin off my ears" I shrugged. I was trying my best to act calm even though right under the surface I was furious.

"So you did touch her!"

"Yes Alistair. I did in fact touch her, I pulled her out of the water, carried her to shore, revived her, then held her. Now I'm holding her hand. Glad we've finally established that."

"So you touched her chest, her bare chest!"

"Once again, yes Alistair. That is typically protocol for when someone isn't breathing. Oh, and by the way, three words for you: mouth-to-mouth." I added. I wanted to get under his skin. At this point I wanted him to draw his weapon. I wanted to put him in his place but I knew starting something would anger Kirielle, so I would finish it instead.

Alistair drew his sword, predictably. I let go of Kirielle's hand and reached for my daggers, but I felt Kirielle tug my hands away from them. I turned to look at her, she was silently pleading with me not to fight. I couldn't go against her wishes. I withdrew my hands from my weapons.

"What's wrong Crow? Too scared to face me?" he called out.

"If it were up to me, we would just settle this right now, but Kirielle doesn't wish it and I cannot go against her wishes. The day she spared my life I swore an oath to her and I will not break my oath. You _will _sheath your weapon and you _will _walk away, not because I tell you to, but because that is what she wants"

Alistair looked from me to her and scowled. He could see her pleading with him not to fight either. After a moment he sheathed his sword. "You know this isn't over".

"I would hope not" I added.

Alistair stormed off.

I turned to face Kirielle again. She was crying again. "Oh no, _mi bella, _please, no more tears. I can't stand to see you sad". I reached out and gently cupped her cheek. "Such a sad expression does such a beautiful face no justice" I cooed.

She continued to cry. Sleeping with upset women was a specialty of mine. Comforting them was out of my normal skill set though.

"We should head back to camp, maybe Wynne can do something about your ankle. Can you walk on it? It looks like it's torn up pretty badly."

Kirielle nodded meekly and did her best to hobble over to the rest of her belongings to collect them. She made it no further than a few feet before her ankle gave out. I quickly rushed to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Maybe it is better for me to carry you instead" I could see that she wasn't fond of the idea, but given the situation there wasn't really another choice. She allowed me to scoop her up and hold her against my chest. I chuckled, despite there being very little height difference between us, I had no difficulty lifting the tiny elf.

"_Come una piuma"_ I chuckled.

"What does that mean?" Asked Kirielle.

"Like a feather, you're so tiny and light. You're like a feather to lift" I smiled.

Kirielle began to blush.

"Aha! There is a much better expression for you. I hope to make you blush from other things in the future" I said.

She began to blush even more furiously.

"_Io__lussuria__per toi_"

"And what does that mean?"

I chuckled and added "_Io ti desidero per mio_"

Kirielle scowled at me, she didn't like not knowing what I said.

"I will tell you what those mean another time".


	14. Chapter 14

For those of you who have made it through my eclectic writing style, thank you. Have some fluff.

A/N: Antivan Translations

Si mi bella: yes my beauty

Mi dolce: my sweet

* * *

Kirielle

Zevran carried me all the way back to camp, never once losing his grip on me or any of my belongings, which must have been difficult considering the fact he wasn't much larger then myself. He had jumped in the river fully dressed in his leather armor still and I couldn't imagine the weight of it now that it was soaking wet. He also insisted on carrying my belongings himself instead of me carrying them, which included my two unsheathed swords that he managed to handle carefully.

We arrived at camp and Zevran gently placed me on the ground next to the fire. "Warm up _mi dolce. _I'll be back with Wynne soon." He gently patted my head and disappeared to find the elderly mage.

I could hear them talking in the distance, but Zevran was doing his best to make sure I couldn't hear them too well. After a moment the two came back over to the fire.

"Well, let me see it" Wynne said calmly.

Before I had a chance to roll up and pants and show her my bleeding ankle Zevran already had my ankle in his hands, taking great care not to move the joint too much or touch the lacerations. His cool hands felt nice against my throbbing ankle, the skin around the cuts burned and the muscles and tendons were in searing pain from where the roots had cut into them.

"Mmmm" started Wynne, "I've seen worst, but this is still pretty bad. Hold still for a moment dear, this might be a little uncomfortable." Wynne placed her hands over the lacerations and her hands began to glow gently. My skin stung where her hands rubbed against the cuts and I could feel the painful process of muscle, tendon, and skin rejoining itself. It was done after only a few moments at least. "You should be just fine now. The marks from the cuts should fade away in a few days, but it might me difficult to walk on that foot for a while since new muscles and tendons had to grow and the new ones won't know how to move properly yet."

I thanked Wynne for all her help. I liked Wynne, she reminded me of the women who helped raise me and she reminded me of the Keeper from my clan. Sometimes Wynne nagged, but she always had our best interest at heart and I was grateful for her company.

I pushed myself up and attempted to walk; the only way to get the new muscles and tendons to work properly was to walk on them I figured. I only made it a few steps before my ankle buckled under me again, and once again Zevran caught me before I hit the ground.

"_Mi dolce_, you need to take it easy. There is no rush. Here let me help you" he said as he went to wrap his arm around my waist to steady me.

"That is quite enough touching for one day Zevran" I wasn't trying to be mean, the man did save my life after all, but at the same time I felt no desire to be closer, physically or emotionally, to him.

Zevran withdrew his arm from my waist. "I'm sorry. I know you've been through at lot in a short amount of time. I wasn't thinking." He said apologetically. He looked up and smiled at me "Guess I really just can't keep my hands off you, no?"

"So it would seem".

"Just so you know, any of my previous offers still stand if you want something to take your mind off everything" he said with a wink.

"And my previous answers still stand also."

"Aww, don't be like that _mi bella_. Is that any way to talk to a friend?"

"When the friend is only interested in sex, then yes it is."

"Oh how you wound me so" he said, making an attempt to look hurt. "One day you'll say yes though, they always do" he blew me a kiss before walking off to gather his belongings and probably change out of his wet armor.

I would never understand him. How he could go from pervert, to actual person, to back to pervert in almost no time flat was truly a mystery.

The rest of the morning was pretty uneventful. I eventually made it back to Leliana's tent to gather the rest of my belongings and we were able to leave rather quickly. Once we were on the road Leliana helped me to walk, allowing me to grip onto her shoulder and lean on her while she help onto my ribcage to steady me. Both Zevran and Alistair seemed disappointed that Leliana was the one helping me.

Alistair insisted on walking ahead of the rest of the group, claiming to be scouting ahead and acting as a first line of defense. Though truthfully I think he was just too upset to look at me. Zevran on the other followed along behind Leliana and I, constantly scanning the tress for danger so he claimed, but I'm pretty sure he followed along behind expressly to stare at my backside.

We traveled until the sun began to set then stopped to make camp. For the first time in nearly a month I removed my own tent from my pack and began to set it up. This morning seemed so far away and the oppressive silence between Zevran, Alistair, and me was unbearable.

I finished setting up my tent and stowed my belongings in it before facing the rest of the group. I had no doubt that Zevran had told Wynne what had happened earlier when he asked her to heal my ankle, but Leliana, Morrigan, and Sten were still in the dark as to why our assassin and ex-templar were so moody.

At the camp fire the tension between the two men was tangible. Alistair was seated on a log, leaning on his knees glaring at Zevran. Zevran was sitting on the ground, leaning back against a tree stump in a rather open and relaxed way considering the anger directed at him.

"Are you two going to play nice?" I asked half joking, I knew they weren't. I just wanted to at least try to break up the tension between them.

"If he'd stop glaring at-" Began Zevran.

"No!" Alistair shouted over him at the same time.

I was at a loss. I looked at them: the man who I fell in love with and loved me back, and the man who tried to kill me and then saved my life. We needed to be united to face the Blight and right now we were anything but that.

"We need to talk" I said firmly to the two men.

Zevran looked up and met my gaze, questioning my decision. Alistair showed no sign of hearing me. I reached out and grabbed each of them by the wrist in an attempt to pull them away to talk. Zevran made a halfhearted attempt to get up, though Alistair made no attempt to move.

"I'm not going anywhere with that despicable excuse for a man" growled Alistair.

"I don't like it either, but if it is what she wants I will not refuse" said Zevran with a sigh.

"Yes you are, both of you are coming with me and we are going to talk about what happened because we are a team and I'm not having all this fighting. Got it?" I said with more conviction this time.

Both men got up this time and I led them into the forest where we would be away from prying eyes and ears. We walked for a few minutes in complete silence until I felt as if we were far enough away from the others. I turned and faced the two men, unsure of what exactly I wanted to say to them.

"Look" I began "a lot happened this morning and I'm just as uncomfortable about it as you too are"

"I'm not uncomfortable" objected Zevran.

I ignored him and continued "Alistair, there is no reason to treat Zevran like how you do, and Zevran there is no reason for you to antagonize Alistair like you do. Both of you need to get over yourselves and work together. We don't have a large force to deal with the Blight and we need all the help we can get so I need you two to at least try to be civil."

"How is it that he was the one spying on you while you were bathing and yet I'm getting lectured to?" whined Alistair.

"Because you were the one to raise you sword and threaten him. I'm still angry at him for watching me bathe, but at the same time I wouldn't be standing here if he hadn't, as much as it pains me to say."

"I wasn't trying to watch you bathe, I heard you crying so I went to see what was wrong" Zevran mumbled.

"Alistair," I said as I turned to him and grabbed his hand "You've said things to me, things that have insulted me, my culture, and my people. You are a foolish man, but you mean no harm. You have shown me love and devotion I thought I would never see outside of my clan and for that I am grateful, but you are still cruel without intending to be. And you" I released Alistair's hand and turned to face Zevran, though I made no attempt to take his hand "You tried to kill me and failed, you've made unwanted advances on me and have been nothing but indecent, though when my life was in danger you risked yours to save me and when I awoke I saw nothing but care and concern in your eyes. I do not think that you are a bad man, but do not mistaken that for my approval."

Neither of the men met my gaze, instead they stared down at their feet.

"Will the two of you stop being so petty?" I questioned.

Both mumbled "yes" somewhat begrudgingly.

"Good, I need us to be united. We'll be in Orzammar in a few days and we'll need to gain their support; a fractured, squabbling group isn't very convincing." I sighed; neither of the two seemed too thrilled about everything, but at this point I didn't care if they liked it or not, they just needed to deal with it.

We walked back to camp in silence but nothing could have prepared me for when we got back. As we entered camp everyone stared at us, I felt myself starting to blush automatically, and Alistair seemed pretty uncomfortable with everyone watching us. Zevran was the only one who seemed to be at ease. He shifted himself to be in front of me, shielding me from the rest of the group like when he had shielded me from Alistair this morning.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked the rest of the group. He was smiling, but his eyes were dark. "I trust there is no issue, otherwise if you have a problem with something, please direct that at me" he finished, still with a slight smile.

I was thankful that Zevran had made himself the center of attention, that no one would notice me blushing hopefully. I quickly darted to my tent without a word, probably not the best impression, even though nothing happened. I couldn't help but feel that everyone else was suspicious and I didn't want to explain the bathing incident and why the three of us disappeared into the forest.

I felt myself retreating into my mind again, like what happened this morning. I wondered what my life would be like if I was still with my clan. I wrapped my fingers around the pendant that Tamlen made for me. My heart ached at the thought of him and I missed him so much, losing him had been the darkest day of my life. One minute he was standing in front of that mirror and then the next he was gone, I was back in camp, found by Duncan.

My mind wandered to Duncan, to Ostagar, to all the good men and women who lost their lives there. Did we ever stand a chance? What if Loghain hadn't abandoned king Cailan and the Wardens? Would it have even mattered, or would it have been just more lost lives? My head hurt thinking about everything. All of the _what ifs _and what could have been.

I don't know how long I laid there in my tent for. It felt like mere minutes, but I heard the outside world moving; it must have been hours. I became overwhelmed by my thoughts, it became difficult to breath and I felt a crushing weight on my chest. I pushed myself to sit upright, but it made no difference. I forced myself to stand up and exit my tent. I sat down next to the glowing remains of the fire and tried to force myself to gulp down air, but I couldn't. I was shaking and couldn't think straight.

I felt faint as I sat gasping for air next to the fire, it felt like I was drowning all over again. Someone came and sat down next to me, I couldn't look up or focus on anything, but they sat next to me without questioning me. I looked over, keeping my head down; leather armor, so it wasn't Morrigan, Wynne, or Leliana. Too small, and out of character, to be Sten. Either Alistair or Zevran was next to me, but I couldn't even think much on who it was, I felt too light headed. Whoever it was shifted so that they were behind me, they wrapped their arms gently around me.

"Breathe, _mi bella_" came a soft voice. It was Zevran. "_Mi bella, _you need to breathe" he said again, he was trying to stay calm, but his voice was shaking a little.

He drew in a deep breath, I could feel his chest expand against my back "Breathe in" he said.

I tried to force myself to take a breath.

"Breathe out" he said as he exhaled. He had his head resting on my shoulder; I could feel his breath against my cheek.

I forced myself to exhale the little bit of air I had managed to inhale.

"Very good, _mi bella._ Now breathe in" he said taking another deep breath, "and breathe out" he said as he exhaled and drew me closer to him.

I followed along with him, forcing myself to breathe. Zevran kept repeating himself, _breathe in, and breathe out_ as he drew slow, deep breaths. I slowly began to breathe normally after a minute or two and once Zevran noticed he seemed to relax a bit.

Zevran wasn't saying anything, he simply sat there with his arms around me, his head resting on my shoulder and his face nestled against mine. He smelled rich and dark, like he had the last time; like mahogany, teak, cinnamon, cloves, and other rich spices. There was something comforting about him, something familiar about him, something that reminded me of my clan. I felt at ease sitting there like that, safe and protected, even though I knew Zevran's intentions were less than pure.

I don't know how long we sat there for. A one point Zevran got up and rekindled the fire and we sat nestled together with him sitting behind me holding me for what must have been hours. Somehow at one point he managed to tuck his legs under me so that I was sitting in his lap. I started to lean back on him and began to relax. My eyes stung from crying and I was exhausted.

"Zevran?" I mumbled.

"_Si mi bella_?" he answered softly, barely a whisper in my ear. His breath tickled against my sensitive ears and I felt a shudder of delight run down my spine. Elves' ears are very sensitive and having someone else touch your ears always felt nice. It wasn't uncommon to see a husband or a wife playfully reach out and run a finger along their spouse's ear or for a young couple to flirt by playing with each others' ears. Alistair had always avoided my ears though, even when brushing my hair back, he always made sure not to actually touch my ears, which was always disappointing.

I tried to regain my focus, but Zevran had tilted his head so that now he was breathing in my ear and it tickled and felt nice.

"Zevran, why are you still wearing your armor?" I asked.

"Mmmm, it's not wise to go into the forest without armor on" he replied with a sigh. The sudden sigh sent a wave of air over my ear, causing me to tense up from the pleasant chills it gave me.

"You were in the forest? But why?"

"To get away from prying eyes and ears mostly, a little throwing knife practice does a lot to steady oneself" he said, making sure his lips were right up against my ear as he spoke.

Tamlen had always played with my ears. We would sit by the fire and he would reach over and play with the tips of my ears or he would lean over and speak directly into my ear so that his breath would tickle me. I had missed the feeling of someone touching my ears.

"Zevran, are you doing that on purpose?" I asked. Zevran knew just as well as I did that an elf's ears were sensitive and at this point I was pretty sure that he was trying his best to breathe on my ears and brush his lips against them.

"Whatever do you mean, _mi dolce_?" he said, he was careful to make sure that his lips grazed my ear. I shuddered in delight and bit my lip.

"That! My ears-"

Before I had a chance to finish my statement, Zevran ran his tongue up the edge of my ear and effectively stopped me in my tracks. My eyes closed in respond to the chills from his cool tongue touching me and I sighed unintentionally. Tamlen had never kissed, nipped, or licked at my ears and now I felt myself melting under Zevran careful touch. The feeling wasn't sexual, but it was somewhat sensual. The best thing I can liken it to is as if someone ran their fingers down your bare back, but much more intense.

I knew what Zevran's intentions were, and at that moment I didn't care. It was the first time since I had left my clan that I truly felt at ease, even if it was with Zevran. I felt safe and protected with him wrapped around me, and when he played with my ears it felt familiar and had a calming effect on me.

I wanted to reach up and run my fingers along his ears to see if he had the same reaction as I did. Curiosity got to me and I did reach a hand up and gently ran it up his ear. He made a soft sound, almost like a purr, and for a moment he stopped playing with my ear. Zevran may have been a trained assassin, but he was still an elf. I smirked to myself and continued to run my fingers up his ear as he continued to kiss and lick mine. He would sigh occasionally, his breath tickling my ear. He reached his hand up to my other ear and gently traced his fingers along the folds of it.

"Ah, _mi bella_," he began after a few minutes, in between sighs and purrs "I do not think you know what you are getting yourself into with this. By now you know my intentions and if you keep that up you may not like the results."

I paused, surprised at his courtesy. I had wondered if he would try anything, and I was prepared to shove him away if he did, but I was not expecting the warning. I removed my hand from his ear, almost disappointed. He continued to run his tongue up my ear, occasionally pausing to kiss along my ear or playfully nip at it.

Alistair would have a heart attack if he saw Zevran and me like this, all cuddled up out in the open, him playing with my ears. That would be two counts of things Alistair found inappropriate: cuddling in public and "unnatural" things like playing with ears. I actually smirked at the thought of Alistair's reaction, but I had no desire for him to actually see me and Zevran like this.

I leaned all of my weight back against Zevran and allowed myself to fully relax.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Antivan Translations.

Mi dolce: my sweet

Mi bella: my beauty

Vigilaveris: wake up

* * *

Zevran

I couldn't help but be pleased with myself. I had Kirielle sitting in my lap, allowing me to play with her ears and kiss them. She was allowing me to be rather intimate with her and truthfully I had expected her to shove me off the moment I tried to hold her, but this was a pleasant surprise.

I had been pushing my luck ever since I sat down next to her. I had used her distress to my advantage so I could hold her to comfort her and be close to her. The fact that even after she was breathing normally she still allowed me to hold her was simply amazing. I even managed to work my legs under her so she was sitting in my lap and I could wrap my legs around her too.

At first I had nestled my face into her neck because her sent caught my attention, she smelled sweet like honey and fruits, like a fine Antivan brandy. That when I noticed something, or remembered something actually: how sensitive our ears were. I noticed that my breath was tickling her ear, that it gave her chills, that she was enjoying it. I tilted my face so that my lips were nearly touching her ear so that as we talked I could brush my lips against her ear. I could feel her relaxing from it as we continued to talk.

"Zevran, are you doing that on purpose?" she asked.

"Whatever do you mean, _mi dolce_?" I asked, making sure my lips grazed her ear softly. I felt her shudder in delight.

"That! My ears-"

I decided that I was done with playing. I ran my tongue along the edge of her ear, stopping her mid sentence. She tensed up and shuddered again, then completely relaxed and let out a deep, contented sigh. I continued to run my lips and tongue along her ear, pausing from time to time to kiss or nip her. At this point she was utterly relaxed and had completely leaned back on me. I smiled to myself victoriously. It had taken nearly two months, but she was sitting in my lap, allowing me to touch her, and rather intimately at that.

She reached up and ran her fingers along my ear, and I froze. I wasn't used to people touching my ears and it felt alien to have her playing with them. I spent far more time among humans than elves and even when being more intimate with a human they seemed to actively avoid my ears. It was a nice feeling though, gentle and caring, it felt much more real and genuine than what I was used to. I reached my hand up and began to trace the folds and edge of her other ear, allowing myself to just become utterly lost in the moment, happy that she was touching me and it wasn't her shoving me away.

"Ah, _mi bella_," I said in between sighs and purrs "I do not think you know what you are getting yourself into with this. By now you know my intentions and if you keep that up you may not like the results." I inwardly cursed at myself for opening my mouth, but at the same time it felt wrong not to.

She removed her hand from my ear and I instantly missed her touch, so soft and caring. I continued to play and nip at her ears, I could control myself just fine like this, but her touching my ear was pushing it.

She continued to relax, her breathing started to slow and so did her heartbeat. She was struggling to stay awake. I pulled her closer to me and softly hummed in her ear. I had forgotten the words to the song years ago but it was a song that the women in the brothel had sung to me when I was little, it was comforting and familiar. Slowly she drifted to sleep in my arms and I would allow her to sleep like this for as long as possible honestly. I didn't mind if the rest of camp saw us like that, and truthfully I would have rather enjoyed that, but something told me Kirielle sure wouldn't.

I buried my face into her hair. I loved her scent, it reminded me of Antiva, of my home. I chuckled at that, that so far from home, that something so new and different could still bring back memories for better or for worst. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, treasuring the moment. I felt myself growing tired. I meant to wake her up and send her to her tent to sleep, but I didn't. I allowed myself to drift to sleep like that. I would deal with the consequences later, for now I just wanted this moment to last.

I don't know how long I slept for, not long enough probably, but now someone was nudging my leg.

"Ahem" came a women's voice.

I didn't want to open my eyes and deal with this right now. I was lying on my back at this point; I must have fallen over during the night. Kirielle was lying on her side between my legs with her face snuggled into my chest, my arms still wrapped around her.

"You should get up before everyone else sees the two of you like this" came the voice again.

I opened my eyes this time to see Wynne scowling at us. "Good morning Wynne, did you sleep well?" I tried to ask as light heartedly as possible.

"Not as well as it looks like the two of you did" she scowled.

"Shhh, you're going to wake her" I motioned to the still sleeping Kirielle. She looked so happy and relaxed for once, it seemed a shame to wake her.

"She best better wake up before the rest of camp wakes up and sees the two of you like this." Wynne repeated, she was rather upset over the situation. I could admit that perhaps it didn't look so good, but that was no reason to be so angry. Kirielle and I were allowed to do whatever we would like after all.

I sighed. "_Vigilaveris, __mi bella, _it's time to open your eyes" I reached down and ran my fingers through her tangled hair; she cooed softly and started to stretch out. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she started to look around, trying to remember where she was. She patted her hand on my chest, trying to figure out what she was lying on. She looked up at me and I smiled back. She furrowed her eyebrows and a pained expression came over her face, she was clearly unhappy with the situation. She realized that she was lying cuddled up on my chest in the middle of camp with Wynne standing there touting at us.

Kirielle quickly pushed herself upright and ran her fingers through her long, tangled hair in an attempt to at least somewhat smooth it out. She was blushing quite intensely at this point.

"Good morning, my dear warden, did you sleep well?" I asked with a smile.

Kirielle scowled at me. I wasn't sure if she was unhappy that she fell asleep with me, that Wynne found out about it, or both.

"I assure you my dear Wynne that nothing happened" I tried my best to give her a reassuring smile and set her mind at ease. "Do you think if anything did happen that I would still be wearing all this armor?"

Wynne's scowl deepened. "I don't care what exactly happened, but the two of you need to think about what you're doing before hand, especially after what has happened the past two days." She paused "Kirielle, you need to keep focused on what's important. And you" she turned her attention to me "you need to keep yourself in line".

I felt my lips pull back into a snarl. "And where do you get off telling people what they can and cannot do? Last I checked Kirielle was the leader of this group and the two of us can do what we please anyways." I hissed. It wasn't my best moment I admit and Wynne just seemed angered even farther by my remark.

"Wynne," began Kirielle, "I can handle my responsibilities and my personal life on my own just fine, thank you very much. And what I chose to do with myself is my own decision and not up for discussion."

"Hmph" touted Wynne as she stormed off.

"Where were we?" I said as I leaned forward to wrap my arms around Kirielle again.

"And what do you think you're doing?" she asked angrily.

"Trying my best to relive last night"

She squirmed out of my arms, I made no attempt to stop her. If she didn't want to I couldn't force her.

"Just to clear things up, are you angry that you fell asleep with me, or that we got caught?" I asked.

Kirielle remained silent for a minute, trying to sort out everything that had just happened. After a few moments she finally spoke. "I don't know" she answered.

I leaned forward again, placing my lips against her ear, "_Io ti desidero per mio" _I cooed in her ear. I softly kissed her ear and felt her shudder in delight just like last night.

'Isn't that what you said before?" Kirielle asked "What does that mean?"

"Hmm, if you asked that last night I might have told you, but the moment has passed. I'll tell you another time" I smiled at her annoyance. "I can wait" I added.

I stood up and offered her my hand to help her up. She refused it and got up on her own. "No one else can know about this, got it?" she stated.

I raised my hands in mock surrender "Whatever you want_, mi bella_, I concede. It is not the first time a women has slept with me and wanted to keep it a secret" I said with a chuckle.

Kirielle scowled, apparently now was not the time for humor. "You better not go around bragging about this, I'm serious."

"And I could never go against your wishes, you know that. When you spared my life I pledged an oath to you, and I intend on keeping it. Now if you excuse me I need to go hide out in my tent for a bit." I strolled to my tent, pausing briefly at the entrance to look back and blow her a kiss, which only caused her to scowl more.

It was progress. Two months ago she would have slapped me for even tapping her on the shoulder, and now last night she allowed me to hold her, play with her ears and kiss them, and then fell asleep with me. I'll admit I was hoping the morning would go smoother, but it also could have gone a lot worst.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N:This used to be chapter 15, but I went back and split chapter 1 into 2 chapters, so this is now 16.

Antivan translations.

Mi bella: my beauty

Grazie: thank you

Mi cara: my dear

* * *

Kirielle

I returned to my tent, unsure about how I felt about everything. It bothered me that I did not have an answer for Zevran when he asked if I was upset because I fell asleep with him, or that I got caught asleep with him. I was definitely upset that someone had saw but I was glad that it was Wynne that found us and not Alistair.

I still didn't know how I felt about Alistair. I had a very close relationship with my fellow Grey Warden, but it had became a very strained relationship over the past two days and I was no longer sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him anymore. I enjoyed the time we spent talking together, how sweet he was, and how awkward and unsure he was about anything romantic. Alistair was a good man, he wanted me to be safe and happy, but he still was unsure about me being an elf. I would be lying if I said I had no difficulty with coming to terms with being with a human. To me, humans had always been the enemy and then to be so intimate with one went against everything I knew.

I knew it was difficult for Alistair too. He had always seen elves in only two ways: servants or wild forest dwelling barbarians. Meeting me meant that he had to rethink how he thought about elves, just like how meeting him, Morrigan, Leliana, and Wynne meant that I had to rethink how I thought about humans.

I was also unsure how I felt about Zevran now. Over the last two days I had seen a glimpse of a different side of him. I saw a side of him that was devoted and loyal, caring and concerned, and now I wasn't sure what to think about him. To me Zevran had always just been the sleazy ex-assassin that we picked up along the way, the ultimate show of just how desperate we had become. Changing my image of him was difficult, did that make me as bad as Alistair in that regard?

I shook such notions from my head and began changing into my armor, we would need to get a move on to make it to Orzammar in good time. I finished packing my belongings and exited my tent to start breaking down and packing up that too.

I looked around the camp as I stepped outside. It seemed everyone else was up at this point, I had spent quite a bit of time in my tent thinking after all. Leliana was cooking breakfast while chatting with Wynne. Alistair was sitting by the fire cleaning his sword. Sten was skulking around the edge of camp, I was pretty sure I've never actually seen him enter camp, or even sleep from that matter. Morrigan was sitting at the edge of the fire pouring over a book and Raetus was sitting in front of my tent guarding the entrance; I nearly tripped over him as I tried to step outside. I reached down and patted the large Mabari on the head.

"Sometimes I think you're the only one I actually understand."

Raetus barked happily.

"At least you never say the wrong thing."

Zevran was sitting away from everyone on a tree stump away from camp, sharpening his daggers. He seemed lost in his own world. I often caught him like that, he'd look so distant, like he was reliving something painful. I always wondered what he was thinking about.

I made my way to the center of camp after I finished stowing my tent.

"Is everyone ready to go?" I asked.

Everyone mumbled "yes" but there seemed to be a fog over the whole group.

"We'll head out after breakfast if there are no objections." I said sternly. The whole group was silent, and no one was making eye contact. I was feeling really uncomfortable from all of this and I wondered what had them all like this. I sat down next to Alistair, but he made no acknowledgement that I sat next to him. That was the worst part, I knew he and I weren't on the best terms right now, but wasn't completely ignoring me a bit much?

Leliana passed out bowls of food and everyone ate in an oppressive silence. Sten can over and grabbed a bowl and returned to his spot outside of camp. Everyone finished, but Zevran never came over for breakfast. I sighed; I didn't need him passing out on the road from not eating. I grabbed a bowl and filled it to bring it over to him.

He stayed lost in thought as I approached.

"Zevran?" I asked as I drew closer to him. At first he stayed lost in his world still. "Zevran? You need you eat." I called again. I stood no more than two feet away from him and had to tap him on the shoulder before he snapped out of it.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry _mi bella_, I was just… thinking." He smiled weakly. "Is that for me? Did you bring me breakfast?"

"Yeah, I don't need you passing out on the road while were traveling".

"And here I thought you came over just for my charming companionship" he said with a smirk as he took the bowl. It was nice to see him acting at least a little like himself.

"Any reason you're way over here away from everyone else? Normally you love to be the center of attention".

"There is an oppressive mood over there that I do not like. And Alistair was giving me bad looks all morning; I do not wish to deal with him right now".

"Alistair always gives you bad looks, what makes this any different?"

"I always just thought he didn't like me in general, you know, the whole ex-assassin, I tried to kill you guys, he didn't like my… preferences thing. But I never thought there was any one specific reason. Now I know he specifically dislikes me because he thinks I'm doing something to you. That I'm trying to hurt you or something, and I think he's trying to turn everyone else against me." He said somewhat sadly.

It hurt to see him like this. I never realized that he cared what anyone else thought of him. I had just figured that nothing really bothered him at this point after everything that he had been through.

I nudged him over a bit so that there was room for me to sit on the stump next to him. "Zevran" I began "I'm still not sure about everything going on, but if anyone has a problem with you they can take that up with me, I'm the one who chose to bring you along after all." I said patting him on the arm.

He looked up at me and smiled weakly, he was the first person all morning to actually make eye contact with me. I still wondered what was going on over with the rest of camp and what I had to do with it, but after Zevran said he was worried that Alistair was trying to turn the rest of camp against him and now I worried what the rest of camp was thinking seeing me sitting with Zevran.

We sat in silence for a few minutes while he ate.

"We need to get going to make good time if we want to get to Orzammar." I said as I got up and started to walk back to camp after he finished eating.

"Wait! Kirielle!" Zevran called as he grabbed onto a strap on the back of my armor.

I turned around to see him staring back at me, a mix of emotions on his face.

"Thank you for making me feel useful." He said with a sad smile.

I felt my heart breaking as he spoke. I knew he had a difficult life in the Crows; while he liked to talk about his successes and conquests, he rarely talked about the negative parts of it even when prompted to; he would always change the subject or hide behind humor. He had mentioned the Crows coming for him when they found out that he was still alive, that there was no way they could leave him alive for failing.

"You are part of this group now; I will fight for you just like anyone else here. So let's get going soon, are you all packed and ready?"

He motioned to the pack sitting by his feet.

I reached out my hand to help him up. He smiled, took my hand, and stood up. He kissed my cheek.

"_Grazie,__mi cara. Grazie,_ for making me feel like I belong somewhere."

I blushed, I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. Sure, I wanted him to be ok, that he wasn't going to pass out on the road, and that he felt like he could maybe be safe from the Crows here, but it wasn't out of any sort of love or approval or anything, just out of responsibility for bring him along. I chose to bring him with us and as the leader of this group I would do anything to protect my companions. He trusted me even if I didn't trust him.

I quickly turned away so he wouldn't see me blushing. He still hadn't let go of my hand and it seemed like he had no intention of letting go of it either. I gently tugged my hand away from his, I didn't want to walk into camp like that, and I didn't want to give the rest of them anything else to talk about.

We made our way back to the rest of the group; I regretted having us walk together.

"Ahh, it seems like everyone is finally here and ready to go" began Morrigan.

"It's time to head out" I managed to stammer out.

Wynne was looking at us disapprovingly, Leliana just looked blank. Alistair though, he looked betrayed. His eyes were narrowed, he was scowling at us and this time it was me who couldn't meet his gaze. Even though nothing happened and I wasn't trying to get anything to happen, I felt bad. I didn't precisely know why I felt bad, I hadn't done anything wrong. I showed concern for everyone traveling with me, and that included Zevran. But I don't think anyone else saw the side of Zevran that I saw, he didn't allow them to.

"If everyone is done judging me, it's time to leave" I said more firmly.

"No, it's not you" sneered Alistair.

I felt myself tense up, Alistair _was_ trying to turn the group against Zevran. "If any of you have a problem with anyone else in this group you bring that up to me. Got it? I'm leading this little group and it's been my decision as to who we bring with us, if you don't like it either bring it to my attention or keep it to yourself." I said a bit more defensively than I intended to.

I picked up my pack and swords and started to head back to the road leading us to Orzammar.

Everyone else rushed to pack up everything from breakfast and run after me. Sten was the first to reach me.

"You are a stronger leader than I first believed. For once you've put your foot down and actually given an order. You are not as callow as I thought."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I hissed. I didn't mean to be so angry, it just happened.

"Callow" the large qunari began "it means without feathers".

"Yes, I know what it means. But you thought I was callow?"

"Well, not so much anymore."

Sten fell silent and fell back to walk behind the rest of the group like he typically did. I wasn't sure if I was pleased that he no longer thought that I was callow, or annoyed that he ever thought that I was.

The group all caught up and fell into the positions they normally walked in. Leliana and Wynne caught up to walk on either side of me. Raetus walked directly ahead of me. Zevran fell in line following behind me, and Morrigan was not far behind him. Sten followed along behind everyone else as our silent vanguard and Alistair walked ahead of everyone else to serve as a first line of defense.

We walked in silence until it became too oppressive for me to bear. I jogged up ahead to catch up with Alistair.

"What in the Creators' names do you think you're doing?" I hissed at him soft enough for the rest of the group not to be able to hear.

"Oh, what am I doing? Really? I'm doing something?" he whispered back.

"Yes. You are, so don't play dumb. You're trying to turn the rest of the group against Zevran!" I snarled.

"Oh, trust me. He doesn't need my help for that, he's doing just fine with that on his own. Leliana and Wynne are sick of his advances. Morrigan is convinced he's either going to poison us all or slit our throats in our sleep. Sten finds him obnoxious above all else, and myself? He's rude, too forceful about his desires, and untrustworthy. If you ask me I should have killed him back when we found him. The only one besides you that likes that Antivan is Raetus, and Raetus isn't exactly the brightest creature I've met" Alistair said snidely.

"At least he's good judge of character, he keeps trying to bit you after all!"

I don't know what came over me, but I was done listening to Alistair. I pulled my arm back as far as possible and swung at the back of his neck, firmly making contact with it.

"Maker be damned woman! What are you doing?"

"I'm sick of listening to you whine!" I screamed.

Before I had a chance to do anything else I felt someone grab onto my arms to prevent me from swinging at him again. There was a voice in my ear "Shhh, _mi cara._ Please stay calm."

"Zevran, let go of me!" I growled.

"I'm afraid I cannot, not until you calm down at least".

"Zevran, you will release me right now!"

"I'm sorry".

I stopped struggling, he wasn't going to let go of my arms and even though I was pretty sure I was strong enough to wretch my arms away from him, I felt that it may be a bad idea to do so.

"That's it. We are stopping right now and settling this" declared Wynne.

Wynne lead us off the road and made us all sit down. "This is ridiculous. We cannot have our two Grey Wardens fighting!"

"Maybe if Alistair was capable of not acting like a child we wouldn't be having this problem" I hissed.

"Maybe if you were capable of controlling yourself instead of just sleeping around we wouldn't be having this problem either!" he shouted back.

"Oh, and what is that supposed to mean?!"

"You know what I mean! Everyone knows you and Zevran got real close last night!"

"Oh grow up! First of all, nothing even happened, I made sure of that. And secondly, what I chose to do is my decision! I don't need your permission if I feel like messing around with Zevran! It's not like you and I had any sort of relationship at that point, you made sure to crush that!"

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't like you hurting me when we slept together. Sorry I don't like being covered in bruises after sleeping with you, and sorry but that's just not normal!"

The group was completely silent. Awkwardly silent actually. Sure they knew Alistair and I had been sleeping together for the last month or so, but I was pretty sure that they didn't want that much information on our sex lives.

"I regret this decision" mumbled Wynne.

"And you know what I regret? Ever getting involved with you Alistair! Anyone else want to say anything? Anyone else have a problem with what I do in my private life?" I asked.

No one made eye contact with me. That seemed to be the theme for the day.

"_Mi cara_, you need to calm down, strong emotions make for bad decisions" Zevran cooed. He still had a hold of my arms.

I took a deep breath. This wasn't the end of this conversation by far, but maybe it was better to have it as a private conversation instead of a shouting match.

"If everyone is done here, we're heading to Orzammar now" I declared.

No one objected. Silently everyone stood up and followed my lead back to the road; everyone fell back into their positions like before.


	17. Chapter 17

Kirielle

We walked in total silence for what must have been hours until it was time to stop for lunch. Wynne and Leliana began to unpack the food and cooking supplies and everyone took a much needed break. Sometimes Leliana or Wynne would try to break up the deafening silence that had overtaken the group with small talk, but they were only answered with mumbles or grunts.

Neither Alistair nor Zevran would look at the other. Like always, Zevran looked way too open and relaxed for someone with so much anger directed at him. He was sitting on the ground, legs stretched out in front of him, leaning back on his elbows and staring up at the sky. Alistair sat with his legs crossed, bent down with his elbow resting on his knees to support his upper body and staring at the ground.

I wanted to talk to Alistair, to apologize for punching him then screaming at him in front of everyone. I also wanted him to apologize for some of the things he said, mostly for saying that he should have killed Zevran when he had the chance. I didn't want to fight with Alistair. We were the last two Grey Wardens in Ferelden and we had grown so close over the last few months, I wanted us to have a good relationship regardless of whether it was a romantic one or not.

I also wanted to set some things straight with Zevran. I wanted to tell him that my concern for him was completely out of feeling responsible for bring him along. That while I was grateful for him saying my life I still was unsure about him. That me falling asleep with him wasn't because I wanted to, but because I was so exhausted from crying and not being able to breathe that it just sort of happened. And that even though I allowed him to play with and kiss my ears, and I had played with his, that by no means did that mean I wanted to pursue anything with him.

This whole thing had become a mess. I couldn't tell how I felt about anything anymore. I no longer knew how I felt about Alistair, if I liked him, or disliked him; if I wanted to just remain comrades or if I wanted to pursue something more. And then there was the issue of Zevran, I didn't want any sort of relationship with him besides leader and follower. I was barely ok with the uneasy friendship that had sprung up, let alone what he was pushing for.

Leliana and Wynne had finished cooking while I mulled over my thoughts. Everyone ate in silence and then we repacked everything and restarted our march to Orzammar.

The rest of the day passed without issue. We walked until the sun hung low in the sky and then found a clearing not far off the road to make camp. Everyone busied themselves with setting up tents, gathering firewood, and cooking, but I wasn't able to distract myself with any of these tasks. I wanted to hunt; I wanted to do something that would require my full attention.

After I finished setting up my tent and stowing my belongings I decided that I would go hunting. I told everyone else what I was doing and not to wait for me for dinner. I took my took my swords with me and headed into the forest to lose myself.

I walked until I found another clearing. I stood in the middle and took in all the sounds around me. At first I only heard crickets and frogs. Slowly other sounds appeared. I could hear a river in the distance, probably the same one that was by our last camp. I could hear small animals, rats and such, scurrying in the underbrush. I heard owls flying nearly silently through the night, stalking their prey. I took in all these sounds until I lost myself, like on all the hunts I went on with Tamlen.

Tamlen had always been the better hunter out of the two of us, after all he was the one who was actually trained to hunt; I on the other hand was trained to be a warrior. When we hunted together Tamlen would usually spot the prey first and then fire off several arrows to wound it. Most of the time he would outright kill it in a single shot, but in the case he couldn't I would give it a chase. I was quicker than Tamlen was, more able to weave between the tress and less likely to tire. I was also better at keeping other predators away, wounded prey attracted wolves and bears, which I was more skilled at fighting off than Tamlen was. Together we made a good team.

I became frustrated standing in the clearing. At night the predators came out while the prey sleeps, but I realized that I didn't actually know how to find sleeping prey, Tamlen had always did that the few times we hunted at night. I realized that on my own hunting at night wasn't really an option after all.

I wandered from the clearing and decided to simply explore the surrounding area instead. I wandered until I found the river that I had heard earlier, but I didn't spend much time there. I walked through the woods, but I never lost my way. Back in the Brecilian forest we all learned how to navigate and track our way through the forest with ease. The Brecilian forest was different than any other forest though; it was ancient and powerful, protecting its inhabitants from outsiders. Most humans became hopelessly lost not long after entering it, things seemed to move and change the longer you were there, but for those of us raised there, the forest guided us. We became excellent at navigating and tracking, making my current task painfully simple.

I walked until I found another clearing; this one was north of our camp as opposed to south where I had started. I sat there for a while, once more allowing myself to become lost in the sounds of the night. Once more crickets and frogs were the first things I heard, then the river, but a bit louder this time. Next there were the sounds of small animals scurrying in the underbrush, followed by the nearly silent wing beats of owls. I closed my eyes yet again and felt myself transported back to the Brecilian forest for that brief moment, until a new sound reached me.

Footsteps broke through the sounds of the forest. Someone else was walking in the forest, no, two people were. The footsteps grew louder. One person, one animal, or actually a person and a dog we bumbling about. The person's footsteps were heavy and somewhat haphazard, the dog's were purposeful, as if it was tracking something. I readied myself just in case, drawing my swords silently. The dog picked up its pace, it was heading directly for where I was.

The person spoke "Heel! Stop! Maker's breath I can't keep up with you!" it was Alistair's voice.

I relaxed my stance, but kept my weapons drawn. Not moments later Raetus burst into the clearing and nearly knocked me down in excitement followed shortly by an out of breath Alistair.

"You know, you're very difficult to find." He started.

"That's usually what happens when one does not wish to be found" I spat at him. I didn't know what he wanted but I just wanted to be alone.

"Look," he began "I just want to talk."

"Then make it quick" I snarled. I did want to sort things out with him, but I wasn't pleased that he decided to track me down when I wanted to be alone.

"I may have… said some things I shouldn't have earlier" He wasn't making eye contact again, he was rubbing the back of his neck and staring everywhere but at me. "And I might have upset you".

"Really Alistair? Might have? Was it the punch in the back of the neck, or the screaming at Wynne's meeting that gave it away?"

"Yeah, that really hurt you know, I mean you may be tiny but you're a lot stronger than you look. You even left a bruise, see?" he took a few steps closer and bent down so I could see the back of his neck, and sure enough there was a particularly nasty looking bruise. "I've had brushes with darkspawn that have left me in better shape" he added with a slight chuckle.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled at this, that he was joking after everything that's been happening.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said and how I acted towards you. I'm sorry I've been so closed minded. I just don't want to fight with you anymore, we're the only two Grey Wardens in Ferelden after all."

He was finally looking at me, making eye contact, waiting for me to say something.

"I… I accept your apology, and I'd like to apologize too. I'm sorry that I punched you, and screamed at you in front of everyone, and pushed you out of your comfort zone. I… don't want to fight either" I said sadly.

Alistair reached out and gave me a quick hug. It wasn't romantic or loving, just a quick hug around the shoulders. "And I accept your apology." He said with a smile.

Raetus started licking at my hand.

"You know every time you leave camp he goes crazy, right? He howls and paces until you get back." Alistair said motioning at Raetus.

This time it was my turn to chuckle. "He's a good dog, even if he keeps putting dead things in Morrigan's pack" both of us had a good laugh over that, just last week Morrigan had found half of a dead rabbit covered in dog drool in her pack. She was furious. She marched right up to me, dead rabbit in hand, and demanded I do something about Raetus otherwise shed turn him into a toad or something. I seriously doubted she's do such a thing though.

Alistair and I ended up sitting on the ground sharing funny and embarrassing stories. Alistair told me stories about being in the Grey Wardens, about drunken bets and pranks they would pull. I found myself giggling over all of this. I told Alistair about the time I got caught in the net trap Tamlen and I had just finished laying.

"We laid the net down and covered it in leaves and no more than two minutes later I stepped on it and triggered it and I ended up tangled in the net hanging from the trees" I said laughing.

"Really?" laughed Alistair "And they trusted you to protect your clan?" Alistair had to wipe his eyes from how hard he was laughing.

"It wasn't funny at the time! Tamlen refused to let me down until he had gotten half the clan to come and see!"

"I bet that was a sight! And here I thought you were always aware of your surroundings, always so composed and never a step out of place!" Alistair took several deep breaths, trying to steady himself after laughing so hard.

Alistair leaned back and laid down to stare up at the stars. "I'm glad we had this talk, I missed this" he said with a big smile.

I had missed talking to him like this. When we first started traveling we always would talk like this, but after we got more romantically involved I noticed we didn't really talk like that anymore.

"Me too, I miss smiling and joking" I replied, leaning back to look at the stars also.

We laid there in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying being on speaking terms with one another again.

Alistair was the first to break the silence. "So you and Zevran… Wynne told me."

"Nothing happened" I said quickly.

"But you did sleep with him, sort of".

"Well, in the literal sense I did technically, but I didn't mean to."

"How do you unintentionally sleep with someone?"

"I was having a panic attack I think" I said, somewhat embarrassedly "I couldn't breathe and had this crushing weight on my chest. I went and sat by the fire pit and tried to calm myself, but I couldn't. I wasn't able to get much air, I couldn't breathe, and I started feeling faint, that's when Zevran showed up. He tried calming me down, he kept telling me to relax and breath. He held onto me and just kept say _breath in, breathe out _to get me to breathe with him until I was ok. After that I was just so exhausted from crying and not getting enough air I just passed out. I woke up later to a lecture from Wynne".

"And you're sure that Zevran didn't do anything?"

"I'm sure. Believe it or not he's actually a man of his word".

Alistair didn't seem too convinced by this, but he also seemed unwilling to trigger another fight.

"Is Zevran your type?" Alistair asked cautiously.

I thought about it for a moment. It would be a lie to say that I wasn't at least somewhat physically attracted to him. He was handsome, even on elven standards. But besides that I couldn't really say. Sometimes he was genuine and honestly concerned and caring, but I also knew his actual intentions and that dissuaded me from ever wanting to pursue anything.

"I don't think so" I said "He's a bit too unabashed for my liking" I added. I didn't mention that I found him attractive though.

Alistair let out a deep sigh, probably of relief at my answer. "Well, I guess that's good to know."

I felt somewhat annoyed at Alistair's response, but at the same time I knew Alistair didn't trust Zevran and maybe he was even jealous at the thought of me unintentionally being with Zevran.

"I wonder if they've noticed how long we've been gone" began Alistair. "How long do you think it's been?"

"Hmm" We'd probably been talking for a least an hour, before that I wandered for maybe two hours. "I've been gone for three hours, give or take. As for you, I don't know, less I guess since you left after I did."

"Maybe we should head back, we do have to travel in the morning after all" Alistair responded.

We slowly got up and dusted ourselves off. Raetus had fallen asleep but after hearing us moving around he bolted up, ready to play as always. We made our way back to camp with myself leading.

Everyone was asleep when we got back. We said our goodnights and parted ways to our tents.

I was happy that Alistair and I were talking again, but now I was even more confused as to how I felt. I remembered why I fell for Alistair in the first place, how easy it was to talk to him and how charming he could be. But I also thought about what he asked me: was Zevran my type? I still couldn't fully answer that question.

I closed my eyes and for the first time in several nights I was able to fall asleep at least somewhat happily.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Antivan translations

Buono mattina: good morning

Mi bella: my beauty

Mi cara: my dear

Io ancora ti desidero per mio, ancora di piu adesso: (some more of you'll-find-out-later)

* * *

Zevran

Kirielle had been gone for several hours by herself, though I did not worry if she was okay or not necessarily, she could protect herself and the Blight had not spread here yet anyways, but I did worry when Alistair decided to venture out too.

I did not worry about him hurting her or anything like that either, well not physically hurting her anyways. But I was worried that he might offend her again, enough where one of them might actually leave. I didn't actually dislike Alistair so to say. Sure, he could be whiny and self centered, but he was still loyal and a strong fighter. I could see why Kirielle put up with him, not to mention he was the only other Grey Warden in Ferelden.

I decided against following either of them, for once in my life spying on people felt kind of wrong. Plus the whole camp would end up knowing if Alistair managed to find her and whether they fought or made up. I cringed remembering the last time they made up.

All night sleep evaded me. I wanted to hold her again, to kiss her ears and other places, and just be in contact with her. I was so close to what I wanted last night and yet I opened my mouth and ruined it. I couldn't relax without feeling the ghost of her hand on my ear and I wanted that closeness again. I wanted to smell her sweet, intoxicating scent again. I wanted to run my tongue over her again, tasting how even her skin was sweet. I wanted her to lower her guard again and just let me in, to hold her, to kiss her, and maybe more.

Most of the night passed like this and I didn't sleep much. At one point I heard people returning to camp. I heard Kirielle's and Alistair's voices and they sounded… happy. That bothered me. That after everything that had happened that somehow she was still able to forgive him, but then again I tried to kill her and she did forgive me. Maybe I should have been happy that she was so kind and forgiving of others, but now it was just making me angry.

I did manage to sleep for a few hours and woke in the morning to the sounds of breakfast being prepared.

I poked my head out of my tent to see who was awake. Leliana, Wynne, Kirielle, and Alistair were sitting around the fire. Sten was probably somewhere at the edge of camp, and Morrigan was nowhere to be seen.

I retreated back into my tent and quickly tossed on a shirt and my armor before leaving my tent. I had never been fond of sleeping in shirts. I had also mastered the art or dressing, and undressing, quickly, being that sometimes one finds you need to leave a bedroom rather hastily or without being noticed.

At the fire Kirielle was sitting on a fallen log next to Alistair. They weren't making any sort of physical contact, but they seemed to be friendly. I decided to sit down on her other side, earning me disapproving looks from both Wynne and Alistair. I sat down rather close to her, making sure I was making contact with her.

"_Buono mattina_" I said directly into her ear so that my lips touched her ear. I felt her shudder from the chills it gave her and I pressed my luck and kissed her ear. I smiled as she tried not to react.

I chuckled softly into her ear "_Io ancora ti desidero per mio, ancora di piu adesso_" and then ran my tongue along her ear, treasuring her sweet taste.

She tried even harder to not react, but she wasn't doing such a good job. She had closed her eyes and furrowed her eyebrows, trying to block me out, but she couldn't. Her face softened and a smile played on her lips giving her away.

Alistair leaned forwards to look around her and glare at me. "That is more than enough, Zevran" he growled.

I let out a laugh "What's wrong? Feeling territorial? She sure doesn't seem to mind. I'm sure if she wanted me to stop she would have said so." I said as I met Alistair's glare with a smile of my own. "Right_, mi bella_?" I added softly, making sure my breath tickled her ear and my lips brushed it.

Kirielle was blushing feverishly now, but still had not told me to stop.

I nipped at her ear a bit before she finally was able to compose herself enough to say "Not now Zevran."

I watched Alistair's face fall as she said that. It wasn't _stop_, or _no_, but _not now_. She actually seemed okay with me playing with her ears, just not so publicly. I smiled triumphantly.

"Whatever you desire, _mi cara" _I said as I allowed my lips to graze her ear one last time for now. Alistair was visibly agitated.

Wynne was scowling in disapproval, Alistair looked borderline enraged, and Leliana looked vaguely surprised, but otherwise uninterested in things. I admit that I wasn't planning on making this little display so public, I wanted Alistair to see Kirielle and me together, but I didn't plan on an audience.

The rest of the morning in camp passed nearly silently and without any incident. After breakfast everyone packed their belongings and once again we were on the road to Orzammar.

We reached Orzammar with only one incident in the end. As we approached the foot of the Frostback Mountains that contained the dwarven city we were confronted by several men.

"What brings you this way, strangers?" called out the man in the center, he seemed to be their leader.

"We are here to speak with the king of Orzammar" called back Kirielle without pause.

"Well, you're out of luck then. The king is dead and a new one hasn't been chosen yet according to the dwarves. What would you want with the king anyways, there's not even a dwarf among you."

"We have treaties that promise the support of the dwarves during a Blight, it is paramount that we speak with whoever is in charge."

"Treaties you say? You wouldn't happen to be a Warden then, would you?" the man chuckled. "You know there's quite a bounty for a Warden, dead or alive." The man lunged forward at Kirielle, his men fanning out to engage the rest of us.

I panicked when I saw the man lunge at her, but before I had a chance to get to her she had already slain the man. In one smooth motion she drew her swords, she held the right one forward to engage the man and kept the other close to her chest. As he lunged she circled her right sword under his sword to gain the center line and parry him. With the other sword she slashed his midsection, sending the man toppling to the ground.

With her out of immediate danger I focused on the man charging at me. I step to the side nimbly allowing him to charge past me, I used a dagger to stab him in the back of the neck as he passed.

Within minutes the men were killed, no one seemed injured either and the bodies were pilfered for money or anything else of use or value. Without missing a step Kirielle started her march up to the gates of Orzammar, nothing was every easy traveling with her.

As we reached the gates a few humans stood arguing with the dwarven guards.

"And what do you mean you won't let us enter? I bear a message from lord Loghain calling on the dwarves for help!" yelled the human man.

"And there's no one for you to talk to, like I've said before, we don't have a king at the moment." The guard replied sternly.

"Excuse me" chimed in Kirielle. "I am a Grey Warden, I come with treaties that promise the support of the dwarves during a Blight, I need to speak with whoever is in charge." She said, there was power in her voice, but it was not demanding.

"A Warden?" the guard's interested piqued. "It has been sometime since a member of your order has visited us. There is no one for you to talk with now though, we do not have a king, but maybe a Warden in the city might help them to decide" the guard said with a nod as he started to open the massive doors.

"You're letting that traitor in but not a massager from lord Loghain? This is an outrage!" yelled the man as he began to draw his swords.

"Listen here" began Kirielle "If anyone is a traitor it's Loghain, he abandoned the Wardens and king Cailan at Ostagar. If you have a problem with me entering Orzammar we can settle this right now if you'd prefer" Kirielle drew her blades, still coated with blood from the bounty hunters.

The man eyed her nervously, looking from her stern expression to her bloody swords. "Loghain will hear about this!"

"Good, I'd expect nothing less." She responded.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Antivan Translations

Braska: general explicative, something along the lines of damn.

* * *

Zevran 19

Nothing could prepare us for Orzammar. It was vast, everything was carved from the stone itself and beautifully decorated. The buildings hugged the walls of the massive cavern which was otherwise dominated by an imposing chasm in the center. Dwarves bustled around everywhere and it was very lively and it was hot there, exceptionally hot for being underground. I crept over to the edge of the wall that separated us from the chasm and what I thought was going to be a vast pit of nothingness in the center of the city, but even more interestingly it was a pit of lava.

"What a remarkable amount of lava. Do you think anyone ever falls in?" I asked, but only half joking. I inched away from the low wall keeping people from hopefully tumbling into the lava, concerned for my own safety for once. It was a low wall meant to keep dwarves safe and for the first and probably last time I realized that I might be too tall for something.

After we entered we quickly learned a bit about the dwarves, their castes, the provings, and that all of the nobles and the two men fighting to be king were held up in the assembly. We made our way through the market and into Diamond Quarter and to the assembly to see what was going on. There were screaming dwarves everywhere, something I would have found comical had it not been for the gravitas of our situation. After several tense minutes the assembly was adjourned and we learned that the nobles were at a stalemate as to who to elect as king.

Kirielle seemed exasperated as she stormed out of the assembly mumbling "They're going to pick a king, I'll make sure of that" as she left the main chamber.

"Excuse me, Wardens? You are the Wardens, right?" came a voice, there was a dwarf standing off to the side beckoning to our group.

"Yes?" began Kirielle.

"I am Vartag Gavorn, lieutenant to Prince Bhelen, and I come with a request from the prince. The prince promises to offer his support to the Wardens as per the treaties if the Wardens will support him becoming king.

"Fine then, tell you're prince I'll support him if he'll honor the treaties."

"First Prince Bhelen must know that you are loyal to him." Declared Vartag, Kirielle rolled her eyes a bit. "All he asks is that you deliver these letters"

"And what are they letters for?"

"Does it matter?" questioned Vartag, Kirielle stood unmoved. "Lord Harrowmont promised the same piece of land to two different families in order to win their support, they are letters explaining Harrowmont's treachery."

Kirielle snatched away the letters "Fine, we will deliver them if it means Bhelen will support the Wardens"

Kirielle turned to storm out and nearly ran down a dwarf as she flung open the doors of the assembly. "Sorry" she mumbled.

"You're the Warden, right?" asked the man excitedly.

"Yes, that is I" answered Kirielle somewhat annoyed.

"Good. I am Dulin Forender, lieutenant to Lord Harrowmont; I come with a message from Lord Harrowmont. Tell me Warden, have you heard of the Provings?"

Kirielle furrowed her eyebrows "Yes, I've heard a little about them from the guards. You fight to settle disagreements, right?"

"Well, there's more to it than that, but yes, that is the basics of it. Lord Harrowmont would like your help with the Provings actually. You see all of Lord Harrowmont's other champions for it have dropped out actually, and having a Warden on Harrowmont's side would certainly convince everyone else that he is the right choice for king."

"So if I fight for him, this king matter could be settled more quickly?" Kirielle questioned.

"Most certainly! Your order is well respected here! Whoever you support is most likely to become king!" Dulin said happily.

Kirielle pursed her lips and remain quite for a moment, probably thinking about whether she should fight or not.

"You can't be seriously considering this, can you?" I butted in, placing my arm between her and Dulin to catch her attention so that she would face me. "The man can't even get his own supporters to fight for him and yet you're considering fighting for him and putting him on the throne? The man sounds weak, not like someone who should be ruling." I said as I held her gaze.

She furrowed her eyebrows again. "I suppose you have a point Zevran, we need strong allies after all" she turned to face Dulin "I'm sorry, but tell your Lord Harrowmont I will not fight for him."

Dulin snarled and stormed off.

We delivered the letters, first to Lady Dace who said we would have to speak to her father in the Deep Roads before her family would support Bhelen. We traveled in to the Deep Roads and found her father and after helping his party fend off deep stalkers he agreed to support Bhelen.

Next we went to Tapster's to find Lord Hemli. Hemli didn't seem particularly sold on either candidate for the throne, but after showing him the letter and talking for a bit he decided to also support Bhelen.

"Well, that was surprisingly simple" I said with a smile.

"Oh yes, nothing is as simple and charming as fighting off deep stalkers in abandoned dwarven cities" muttered Alistair as he rolled his eyes.

We made our way back to Vartag in the assembly where he enthusiastically greeted us. "I've heard that both Lord Hemli and Lord Dace have decided to support Prince Bhelen, most delightful! Now that you've proven yourselves loyal, Prince Bhelen would like to meet with you."

Vartag led us to the royal palace, an immense building carved into the very stone itself like all the others. I had always heard stories about Orzammar and its riches, but seeing the palace and how ornate it was, was an entirely different thing.

Prince Bhelen was not a courteous man, not that it bothered myself particularly, but it seemed to get under both Kirielle's and Alistair's skin a bit. After chatting with him for a bit he informed us of a crime ring plaguing the city headed by a woman named Jarvia.

Finding Jarvia's Carta ended up being simple enough. After finding a shopkeeper being harassed by a few of Jarvia's men, Kirielle managed to intimidate them into leaving the shopkeeper and mentioning that Jarvia's hideout was somewhere in Dust Town. It was always somewhat comical to see tiny Kirielle intimidating someone, at least this time she was taller than who she was trying to intimidate for once.

We made our way to Dust Town. It was a depressing place; beggars lined the streets, the buildings were crumpling away, and there was an air of desperation hanging about. We spoke with one beggar who said that the Carta, Jarvia's men, would enter through a strange door in town by using a key made from a finger bone, but that was all she knew.

Eventually we found the door and I tried picking the lock, but it was no use; the lock was like nothing I'd ever seen before. All I managed to accomplish was snapping off one of my lock picks in it. "_Braska_!" I muttered as the lock pick snapped. "It appears that we need a key" I declared.

"Our assassin is full of nothing but astute observations today" sneered Alistair.

"Hush Alistair" interrupted Wynne "I don't see you doing anything to help".

"At least I realized that maybe when the beggar said it could _only_ be opened with the finger bone key that it in fact could _only_ be opened with the key instead of wasting time on this".

At that remark Kirielle shot him a terrible look.

"Alistair, come here. Now." she somewhat snarled. She grabbed Alistair by the arm and led him away before he had a chance to contest it.

We all watched from a distance. Kirielle was visibly angered and Alistair looked pretty upset over being lectured in the middle of everything, but they were too far away for any of us to actually hear them.

After a few tense minutes they returned, Kirielle looking agitated and Alistair looking ashamed.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Antivan Translations

Braska: general explicative, damn

Mi dolce: my sweet

Mi bella: my beauty

Io ti desidero per mio: (guess what finally gets translated next chapter)

* * *

Kirielle 20

"_Braska_!" I heard Zevran mutter as his lock pick broke off in the door. "It appears that we need a key" he said as he turned around, tossing the broken pick to the ground.

"Our assassin is full of nothing but astute observations today" sneered Alistair.

"Hush Alistair" interrupted Wynne "I don't see you doing anything to help".

"At least I realized that maybe when the beggar said it could _only_ be opened with the finger bone key that it could _only_ be opened with the key instead of wasting time on this".

I shot Alistair an angry look, but he didn't seem to care. "Alistair, come here. Now" I hissed as I grabbed his arm and led him away. I pulled him aside far enough that the other wouldn't be able to hear us.

"What is your problem? I thought that we had gotten past this" I growled at him.

"We?" he started, "What does this have to do with us?"

"You promised me that you would stop treating him like that!"

"Yeah, and he promised to stop antagonizing me and we saw how that worked out!"

"When, Alistair? When was Zevran antagonizing you?!"

"The other day at breakfast! When he had his head on your shoulder and was playing with your ears! He's only doing that because he knows how we are".

"He wasn't antagonizing you! If anything he was trying to antagonize me! And anyways, it's how we _were,_ at this point". I saw Alistair winch when I said _were_. We were back on friendly terms sure, but we weren't actually together anymore. Is that why he was so upset about Zevran and I falling asleep together and about what happened back at breakfast the other day?

I folded my arms in front of my chest. I could not believe I was having this conversation with him again. I thought that after talking it out in the clearing the two of us would be okay, at least as friends, but even that seemed to be asking too much.

"Are you really angry at Zevran for being Zevran, or because you might be feeling jealous?" I questioned my fellow warden somewhat angrily.

"Jealous? Me? Of him? Why would I be jealous?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've been paying attention to him more than you ever since you made it clear that you haven't really been able to come to terms with me being an elf" I snarled.

"Are we done here? Or do you really want me to answer?" he snarled back.

At this point everyone was watching us and I was just hoping that they couldn't hear us after all.

"You know what Alistair? We are done here, but you need to remember something: I chose to bring Zevran along, he is part of this group whether you like it or not and if you do anything to harm him you will answer to me, so you better learn to deal with it." I turned and stormed off back to where the group was waiting and after the shock wore off Alistair returned also.

It wasn't long until we found some of Jarvia's men in an abandoned building and were able to overtake them and get their key. We made our way back to the door and this time we were able to successfully unlock it.

Getting through the hideout wasn't too difficult, there were Carta members everywhere and although many of them were skilled fighters, compared to all of the demons and darkspawn we encountered, actual people seemed to be much less of a threat. Most of the time we fought in silence, an oppressive silence, but at least that was better than the constant fighting with each other.

Eventually we made our way to Jarvia herself, She was a loud and cocky woman and truthfully just unpleasant. It was a difficult battle with her, she was quick, seemly disappearing and reappearing around the room and several of her men fought alongside her. Eventually Zevran managed to catch her. I had never seen anyone who moved as quickly as Zevran did, he constantly skirted the edges of the battle, sneaking up and backstabbing enemies, taking them down in a single blow most of the time. Zevran was intimidating even still after getting to know him. Knowing that someone his size could still be incredibly powerful was humbling, even though we were nearly the same size. Was that how people saw me too? Were they surprised that despite my size I could still effectively fight darkspawn? I shook the thoughts from my head.

I watched as Zevran grabbed Jarvis from behind. He got a hold of the top of her neck and chin before she even knew what happened. He wrenched her head back, exposing her throat and in one swift motion he slid a dagger across her neck, slitting her throat cleanly. He released her, allowing her body to hit the ground with an undignified thud. He snorted and looked vaguely annoyed.

"Well, I'm glad that's over" he said as he reached down to wipe his bloodied dagger off on her clothes.

Everyone moved quickly to find anything of use or value on Jarvia or her men. We found several poultices, a decent amount of money, and several trinkets, weapons, and pieces of armor that could be sold.

As we made our way back to the royal palace I couldn't help but notice that since we entered Orzammar it was impossible know how much time had passed. We reached the city around midday, spent a bit of time in the assembly, we traveled into the Deep Roads to find Lord Dace, spent time in Tapster's convincing Lord Hemli to support Prince Bhelen, then we hunted down and destroyed Jarvia's Carta. _It must be well into the night_ I thought to myself.

I didn't like it down here, I didn't like not being able to see the sun or sky, I didn't like not knowing what time it was, I didn't like being a prince's pawn, I didn't like any of this. I was exhausted, I just wanted to find something to eat, then sleep until this all just became a bad dream.

We finally reached the royal palace and told Prince Bhelen the news.

"Very good, the people will feel safer knowing that the Carta has been destroyed and surely that will swing the assembly in my favor" he said, though he still seemed lost in thought.

"So it's settled then? The people will support you being king now?" I questioned cautiously.

"Well, more than before. But there is one last thing that can be done to assure that the people will support my claim to the throne: the Paragon Branka. Two years ago she entered the Deep Roads to search for an important relic and has yet to return. Most believe that she died long ago and that may be true, but if she is alive, her support would solidify my claim. I need you to search for her and the relic she was chasing: The Anvil of the Void".

"This is a fool's errand" mumbled Alistair "She's been gone two years, she's probably dead"

"For once I have to agree with him" chimed in Zevran.

"Regardless" continued Bhelen "it is important to find her, or at least confirm her death. She is the only living paragon for the time being and she means a lot to the people. I request that you do what you can to find her".

"We're not really doing this, are we?" asked Alistair.

"Yes, we are. If it means putting a king on the throne, we are doing it" I responded.

"Good, leave whenever you're ready" nodded Bhelen.

"Then it's settled, we stay at an inn here, restock on supplies, then head out after resting" I declared.

"Sorry to inform you, but there are no inns here in Orzammar, we don't like to encourage travelers." Bhelen told us.

"Fine, we camp tonight then".

"I couldn't allow that" began Bhelen "not after everything you've done to help, and how would it look if I made the Wardens and their companions sleep outside. There are plenty of rooms in the palace, tonight you will stay here!" stated Bhelen.

"I'll pass" Morrigan said without a hint of a smile "Being underground is doing nothing for my health. I will camp tonight and will be back in the morning, or whenever since it might be morning now for all I know"

"I will stay outside too, qunari are not meant to be underground" added Sten.

"I for one would prefer to stay here" interjected Wynne. Alistair, Leliana, and Zevran nodded in agreement.

"I don't care where you sleep, just figure it out" I growled. I was tired, I had no clue what time it was or if it was even still day time, I was hungry, and I just really wanted to lay down.

Whilst we talked amongst ourselves Bhelen had already summoned a steward to figure out sleeping arrangements.

"Good news!" shouted Bhelen "There are two rooms open right now! I'll have my steward show you to them".

We followed the steward down the hallways to where the rooms where, "I think you'll be quite pleased with your arrangements. Each room has its own study area and private bath, and each room has two large beds. I'm sure you'll find everything you need. I'll send someone by with food and supplies in a bit after you get settled in" the steward said cheerfully.

The rooms were wonderful, they reminded me of Redcliff castle with how ornate and well furnished they were. The only problem was actually deciding the sleeping arrangements.

"Since there are two rooms" I began "one room will be for the men, and the other for the women" I stated flatly.

Zevran and Alistair looked from me, to each other, to back to me. "I'm not sharing a room with him!" they both shouted.

"I'm not sharing a room with the assassin who tried to kill us!" shouted Alistair.

"And I'm not sharing a room with the templar who still probably wants me dead" said Zevran coldly.

I was out of energy to deal with this anymore. I had already punched Alistair once and I wasn't above doing it again, or hitting Zevran for that matter, but before I had a chance to smack either of them Wynne stepped in.

"Kirielle, why don't you pick a room and go rest or bathe, let me deal with this, I'll work out everything here" the older mage said with a smile.

I sighed, if Wynne thought she could work this out peacefully, Creators' blessings on her.

I quickly dove into the closest room, happy to not be responsible for making the decisions for once. I tossed my pack down on the nearest bed and bolted for the room on the side with the tub.

It was like nothing I had ever seen before. There was an immense stone tub carved into the rock itself. Next to it sat a boiler with a pipe leading from the wall to bring in fresh water, probably from the natural springs in the area, and then a spout into the tub. Underneath it there was a pool of lava that was circulating out of the wall, into the pool, and then back out into the stone to make sure it was always hot enough. I pulled the lever on the side of the boiler and filled the tub with water, though the lava boiled water was much too hot to bathe in.

I busied myself by examining all of the soaps and washes sitting on the shelves in the room as I waited for the water to cool a bit. There were soaps for washing your body, soaps especially for your hair, all different scented soaps; did people actually live like this? I spent several minutes decided on what to use, I settled on a lavender soap for my body, a rich spicy liquid soap for my hair, and some sort of matching cream that I was pretty sure was to help soften and detangle hair.

I undressed and settled into the tub, I couldn't remember the last time I had a hot bath. I sunk down until the water was barely below my nose and enjoyed feeling relaxed for once as I traced the ornately carved edges of the tub and allowed my mind to wander. At one point I heard people enter the room, but I couldn't tell who it was; the stone walls and door muffled the sound quite a bit. I carefully washed my hair with the spicy soap and then worked the rich cream through my hair to detangle it. I scrubbed my skin with one of the folded cloths from the shelf and some of the lavender soap to remove the blood and dirt caked onto my skin. I soaked in the tub until the water became chilly and half considered draining it and refilling it, but thought it was best to give someone else the chance to bathe.

After the water become icy I finally left the tub and dried off with one of the towels left for us and for once I was glad I was glad I was short, the towels were intended for dwarves after all. I looked down and realized that my clean clothes were in my pack and my pack was on the bed. I contemplated tossing on my dirty clothes for a moment to retrieve my pack, but they were covered in blood and dirt and I didn't want to undo all the cleaning I just went through.

I wrapped myself in the towel and made sure that nothing was visible, I would bolt for my pack I decided. Later I realized that I simply could have cracked open the door and had someone bring me my pack, but that didn't occur to me until after. I made it half way to the bed before I realized who else was in the room: Leliana and Zevran. Leliana wasn't a problem, Zevran however…

"Ahahahahah! A show maybe!" he chuckled. Like always, he looked incredibly relaxed. He was sprawled out on the bed I had tossed my pack on. He had already changed out of his armor and into a pair of loosely fitted pants and a shit, though the shirt was pulled quite a ways up showing off most of his abdomen and chest. Somehow he always managed to avoid getting sprayed with blood like the rest of us. He had also had unbraided his hair, allowing it to fall around his face.

I snatched my pack off the bed, making sure to keep the towel in place as I moved. "You couldn't have at least taken the other bed?" I snarled.

"No, I like this one" he said back with a smile.

"Did it even occur to you that someone had already claimed this one?"

"It did, that's why I wanted it" his smile widened.

I stormed back to the tub to get dressed in peace. Wynne would be hearing about this later.

When I emerged Zevran was still laying there unmoved. Leliana quickly bolted for the tub and I sat down on the other bed.

"I don't mind sharing" Zevran said as he rolled onto his side to face me. I turned away from him.

"Don't be like that _mi dolce_, someone has to share a bed, there's three of us and two beds after all. Plus, we've slept together before anyways, it's nothing new." He finished with a chuckle.

"Leliana and I will share a bed" I said flatly.

"Hmm, pity. But at least I get to go to sleep with the thought of two beautiful women sleeping together in the bed next to me."

I wanted to smack him. I wanted to smack that smug smile right off his face and remind him who was in charge here. I really did consider it, and it would probably be even more satisfying that when I punched Alistair the other day.

I rolled over to face him so I could yell at properly face-to-face, but I quickly noticed something: somehow that man managed to remove his shirt completely silently in the few moments I took my eyes off him.

I couldn't help but stare for a moment. He was well built, even on elven standards. Despite his smaller frame he was still obviously powerful, his shoulders and chest were muscular and well defined, but not overly so like how Alistair was. His abdomen was almost completely flat, save for the indentations defining his abs. Most noticeably were his tattoos though, he always hinted at having other tattoos besides on his face, but I wasn't expecting this much. He had arcs and swirls all across the front of his shoulders and chest that then traced down his sides and disappeared into his pants. Creators, why did he have to be attractive?

"Admiring the art work?" he said cockily.

"Just trying to figure out when you managed to take or shirt off, or why." I said shaking my head, trying to clear my previous thought out.

"Hmm, when isn't important, and as for why? I dislike sleeping in a shirt, truthfully I would prefer not to have the pants either, but I'll stay decent in the presence of ladies. Unless…"

"You will keep your pants on!" I shouted and found myself rather happy that the walls were so thick.

He raised his hands in mock surrender and smiled. "Anything you want _mi bella_. Just let me know if you change your mind, I can take these off just as stealthily" he said as he raised an eyebrow.

After a few minutes of oppressive silence there came a knock upon the door and I got up and quickly crossed the room to see who it was. Several dwarves stood in the doorway carrying platters of food and supplies. I stepped aside and allowed them to put everything down on the table and thanked them for everything.

Prince Bhelen had been quite generous, there were platters of meats, fruits, breads, and cheeses, along with packed food for tomorrow and other supplies that we would need. I quickly grabbed one of the small plates they brought with the food and started to eat. Zevran remained unmoved, lost in thought. If he thought I was going to bring him food again like at breakfast the other day he was sadly mistaken.

I looked over at Zevran, he was back to lying on his back. He looked disgruntled about something, he was frowning and his eyebrows were drawn together, just like at breakfast the other day.

"Zevran? Aren't you going to eat?" I called out, but he didn't respond. Fine, if he didn't want to eat that was not my problem.

I continued eating, occasionally glancing over at him, his frown seemed to deepen, what was he thinking about? I heard his stomach growl from across the room. The last time we had eaten was breakfast this morning, at now it was well into the night, if not morning, after everything that we had done. He needed to eat.

"Zevran, you need to eat something" I called out again, but he still didn't respond. I couldn't tell if he was ignoring me or if he really was that lost in thought. I rolled my eyes and decided that maybe it was better if I did just bring him a plate of food, otherwise he may not eat.

I fixed him a plate and brought it over to where he was lying. "Zevran?" I called yet again, but he didn't acknowledge me. I reached out and tapped him on the shoulder; his skin was cool to the tough, like mine. I seemed to startle him, he jolted back to awareness.

"Hm? _Desolato mi bella,_ I was just thinking" he said weakly with a smile.

"I've been trying to get your attention for a while now, you need to eat. Here" I said thrusting the plate of food into his hands "I could hear your stomach growling from across the room".

Zevran chuckled, he had a rich and musical laugh. "So you are concerned for me, no? I am flattered".

"Yeah, well, I don't need you passing out in the Deep Roads tomorrow" I turned away to return to my food, Zevran reached out and grabbed onto the back of my shirt. He looked up at me weakly, then patted the spot on the bed next to him. "Fine, at least let me grab my food though."

I retrieved my food and sat down next to Zevran, he seemed to actually be serious for once. We ate in silence, though Zevran made every attempt to scoot over as close as possible to me until his arm brushed against mine. He reached over and patted me on the leg, "Watch" he said. He tossed a grape up into the air and gently caught it between his teeth. I rolled my eyes; he was such a show off.

Zevran frowned and ate the grape. He repeated his trick again, this time tossing the grape much higher, though he still caught it with ease. He turned to me and smiled, grape still between his teeth. I rolled my eyes yet again, though this time he didn't eat the grape. This time he pressed his lips against mine, passing me the grape. His lips were cool and soft and I felt his tongue lightly brush against my lips as he passed me the grape.

He drew back and smiled rather triumphantly as I sat there somewhat dumbfounded as to what to do about the grape in my mouth, unsure of whether I should spit it out or just eat it.

"What's wrong _mi bella_? Not sure what to do?" he said with a chuckle as he watched my confusion. "You could always give it back" he said as he leaned in to press his lips against mine once more. He parted my lips with his tongue and gently maneuvered his way into my mouth to retrieve the grape. He paused for a moment to allow his tongue to swirl around mine before pulling away with the grape.

I felt myself blushing, not necessarily because Zevran had kissed me, but because I kind of enjoyed it. It was playful and sweet, not overbearing and demanding like Alistair had been and Zevran's cool lips against mine felt much more natural. I half wanted him to kiss me again, but I reminded myself of who he was: he was the assassin that tried to kill us, but more importantly a man who was only out for himself, he was doing this because he wanted to sleep with me, nothing more.

I got up and sat down on the other bed, away from him and continued eating without acknowledging what had just happened.

"Why are you being like this _mi bella_? There's nothing wrong with what happened, if you liked it, then you liked it, it's not a big deal" he said with a shrug.

I stared down at my plate, hoping that he would stop talking. Maybe it wasn't a big deal for someone who had been with so many others before, but for me it was. I continued to stare at my plate for a few moments.

Before I knew what happened, Zevran had gotten up and silently crossed over to where I was sitting. He placed a hand under my chin and gently tilted my face up to face him. He smiled and held my gaze for a moment before pressing his lips against mine for the third time in just a few minutes. I felt him move the plate off of my lap and gently he pushed me back onto the bed.

I don't know why, but I let him. He had one hand wrapped in my hair, gently tugging on it, the other was playing with my ear. At this point I was lying flat on my back with him straddling me. He started slowly, just brushing his lips against mine, occasionally running his tongue along my lips. Slowly he parted my lips and flicked his tongue into my mouth playfully. After a few minutes of this I got up my own courage and pressed back against Zevran's tongue and flicked my tongue into his mouth. He chuckled and rolled over so that I was on top of him, straddling his hips now, I could feel a budge between his legs. We continued kissing, constantly switching up who was leading. I felt him start to run his hands up under my shirt, but I didn't fight it.

I started to trail my kisses along his cheek and kissed and licked along the tattoos on his face, I could hear him sigh happily as I did. I trailed my kisses down his neck, pausing for a few moments to nip and lick at his neck. At first I just nipped lightly so I wouldn't hurt him, but as I pulled away he placed his hand on the back of my head and guided me back to his neck.

"Harder" he whined.

I bit down on his neck with more force and hear him gasp a bit from the sudden pain, but he urged me to continue. I switched between biting, licking, and kissing until I tasted blood in my mouth. I pulled away to see a nearly black bruise on his neck and a few drops of blood from where I managed to break his skin.

Zevran reached up and touched the spot where I drew blood and examined the blood on his fingers. He chuckled again "That's more like it" he growled.

I kissed down to his chest and followed along his tattoos with my tongue, tracing the lines. Zevran reached out and guided me to the end of a swirl right over his heart. I followed it, it curled across his collar bone and wound its way around one of his nipples, which I made sure to run my tongue across. I felt him arch his back as I did. It gently started to wind its way down his side. I licked down his rib cage and the side of his abdomen and understood why he had chosen this particular line for me to follow.

I reached the top of his pants and paused, unsure if I should continue or not.

"_Io ti desidero per mio_" he purred.

I head the door open, it was Leliana, she had finished with her bath.

"Am I interrupting something?" she called out cautiously.

"Yes" growled Zevran, but I had already removed myself from him.

I was blushing more than ever before, embarrassed that she had caught us like that, and to make matters worse I was even the one on top so it looked like I started it.

"I think I'll go see if Wynne and Alistair have space for me in their room" Leliana gathered her things and quickly left before I had a chance to say anything. Not that I could have made the situation any better.

"Well, this worked out quite nicely, no?" said Zevran with a smile.

I still couldn't talk, I was too embarrassed.

"What's wrong now _mi dolce_? It's not like we were doing anything wrong. It's not like it wasn't consensual or anything." He said with a shrug. He wrapped his arms around my waist "Why don't we pick back up where we left off, hmm?"

I gently pushed him away. I wasn't mad at him, I could have stopped him or myself at any time, but I didn't. I enjoyed him kissing me and running his hands along my skin. I enjoyed kissing him, and biting him, and just being dominate for once.

"Did… I do something wrong?" asked Zevran cautiously as he brushed his now tangled hair out of his face.

I shook my head.

"Then what troubles you _mi cara_? Did you not enjoy it?"

"No, it's not that" I paused, unable to find the right words.

"I'm sorry if that was too forward" Zevran said awkwardly "but I'm glad that you at least enjoyed it" A grin returned to his face.

I blushed even more. Zevran wrapped his arms around me again, but this time I didn't push him away. Zevran was an infuriating man. He was cocky, unabashed, self-centered, and sometimes childish. But he could also be caring when he wanted to, he could make people smile, and he was loyal. I felt conflicted over him. I knew his intentions hadn't changed, that he just wanted sex, not any sort of relationship, and I was slowly getting used to the idea of that.

Zevran laid back on the bed and gently tugged me down with him. We laid together for a while, I snuggled my face into his chest and enjoyed his scent while he played with my ear absent mindedly. He began to hum softly just like the night at the campfire when he held me. I felt myself start to relax again, I felt safe around Zevran.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, it felt natural to be with Zevran. My mind wandered and I started to think about if sex with Zevran would be satisfying like kissing had been. I quickly banished the thought though.

Zevran shifted onto his side so that he was now facing me. I wrapped my arms as best I could around him. As I brushed my hands against his back I gasped, I could feel that his back was covered in scars.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Antivan Translations

Most should be known already ^.^

A few new ones will be translated in text (Finally!)

* * *

Kirielle 21

"Zevran!" I gasped "What happened to you?"

"They are from long ago, do not worry _mi cara_" he cooed softly, but I couldn't let it go.

I sat up and attempted to get a good look at his back for the first time, though he rolled onto his back to prevent me from seeing his scars.

"It's nothing, do not worry" he said more forcefully as he scowled a bit.

"That's not nothing! I felt deep scars!"

"It's from long ago, being in the Crows isn't without its negative side"

"Zevran" I said weakly "Please let me see your back"

He growled, but rolled over to show me his back. His back was covered in deep scars, but was most disturbing was where the scars were, or the pattern they were in. In the center of his shoulder blades there was a large tattoo that covered almost all the way across his back, it was a tattoo of wings with an eye on each wing and all of his scars were too carefully placed around the tattoo to be from fighting, not a single scar marred it.

"Zevran" I gasped "these aren't scars from fighting are they? They were done on purpose weren't they?"

"The Crows do not like dissent within their ranks" he said coldly. "There are punishments for acting or speaking against them".

I felt my eyes tearing up. I knew that Zevran had been sold into the Crows at a young age, but I never actually thought that maybe he didn't like being a Crow.

I traced my fingers across the scars. Some were relatively shallow, but some were horrific. There was one in particular that caught my eye. It was a deep scar from his left shoulder all the way down to his hip. It wasn't just from a cut either, it looked as if someone had actually removed nearly an inch wide and half inch deep section of his skin leaving a deep gouge in his skin. I gently kissed down the scar and I felt my heart breaking as I realized that he had lived through so much pain.

"How could they do this to you?" I said, my voice barely a whisper as I tried to hold back tears. For the first time I felt myself pitying the man in front of me.

"We are property belonging to the Crows, they brand us as belonging to them and they do whatever they'd like, and if we step out of line we are punished" he said with a shrug.

"But to this extent! Some of these scars look like they could have killed you!"

"The Crows would not allow for that, it is expensive and time consuming to train many new recruits, they want to keep us alive".

I sat in horror, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"Why didn't you leave, try to run away or something?" I asked meekly.

"I tried once, but it did not go well. They caught me at the gates of the city and demanded to know where I was going. I told them I was out on a contract, but they knew that I was not. The dragged me back to the masters and the masters laughed at me. They told me I could never leave, they I belonged to them. They said that they would make an example out of me.

"Several of the Crows who caught me held me down, the masters called in the new recruits to show them what happens when you try to leave. One of the masters who particularly did not like me called for them to bring in a serrated knife, they type you would used to pick meat off the bones of a butchered animal. He heated it in the fire place so that it would burn my skin and never be able to properly heal. He cut deep into my shoulder, making sure to remove quite a bit of skin and several times he even stopped to reheat the blade, or kick me in the ribs, I ended up with several broken ribs too in the end.

"I cried out, they had scared me before, but nothing like this. They laughed at me more, they said I was weak for crying out, that I was stupid for ever trying to leave. After they finished they threw me in a little room with nothing in it, there wasn't even a window. They made sure I did not die from blood loss though, but most of the wound was burned closed already anyways. They kept it from getting infected, but made sure that they never eased the pain.

"After a few weeks they let me out. They told me that next time I tried something they wouldn't go easy on me again. Next time they would kill me, and it wouldn't be quick. I stayed locked in my room for months after that, I couldn't face anyone".

I was sobbing at that point. I couldn't believe that he lived through all that and was still able to smile and joke. He was stronger than I ever thought.

"Zevran, I'm so sorry" I sobbed.

"_Mi cara_, why are you apologizing?"

"I just- I mean you- I-" I stammered.

"Shhh, it's in the past. I'm okay, I've moved past it, see? I'm okay" he rolled over to face me and gently placed his hands on either side of my face. "So please do not cry for me, not for this anyways, okay _mi cara_?"

I nodded weakly, but couldn't keep myself from crying. Zevran gently held me and whispered things in Antivan in my ear until I settled down and nearly fell asleep.

He gently shifted me so I was laying on the bed the right way instead of kind of hanging off the side. "Get some rest _mi cara. _I still need to bathe even though I'm not covered in blood like you were, and I need to finish eating, but you should sleep, please do not wait up for me, okay?" he said gently. He tugged the covers up and tucked me in to bed and gently kissed my forehead. "I will be back soon enough" he added as he got up.

I laid wide awake for a while thinking about what Zevran had told me, about how he was treated in the Crows. I couldn't believe how cruel they were to him and how there was nothing he could do about it. I could hear him drawing his bath since he didn't bother with closing the door all the way and wondered if he left the door open for any particular reason. He finished his bath quickly and emerged wearing only a pair of loosely fitted pants, like before. He glanced over at me and I quickly closed my eyes so he wouldn't know that I had waited up for him. Zevran finished his dinner and dimmed the lanterns in the room so it would be dark enough to sleep then he settled into the other bed, which left me feeling somewhat disappointed.

I rolled over to face him and opened my eyes. At first he didn't notice me since it was so dark, but after a few moments he realized that I was still awake.

"_Mi cara,_ what are you still doing up? You need your sleep" he said with a frown and genuine concern.

I didn't respond. I didn't know for sure why I waited up, if it was concern for him or hoping we might be able to resume things, but I just couldn't sleep until he was back. I reached out my hand.

"What? Am I too far away?" he asked with a smile.

I nodded. I was glad that even in the dark that elves could see very well.

"Very well then, you know I cannot go against what you want" he got up and came over to my bed. I moved over and made room for him and he settled in gracefully. He laid on his back and I nestled my face into his bare chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I am glad that you invited me over, it fells nicer like this when you actually want me to sleep with you instead of it just being a mistake like at camp" he reached down and gently kissed my forehead again "I'm glad that you are concerned about me".

At first I wasn't sure what he meant, but then I realized that he probably meant my reaction to his scars. Right then Zevran had felt like a different person, he wasn't the shameless lothario he typically was, but instead and kind and gentle person, someone who was concerned about others and wanted them to be happy.

I enjoyed falling asleep like this. Alistair hadn't particularly liked sleeping like this, and the few time we did cuddle like this I always woke up in the middle of the night overheating because of how warm he was. But Zevran was cool, even under the blankets. He held me close to him and made me feel safe. I didn't want to admit it, but I was really starting to enjoy spending time with him and learning about him.

I was worried what morning would bring though. I was worried what Leliana had said to Wynne and Alistair when she went to stay with them. I worried what the others would say if they came into the room in the morning and saw Zevran and I like this. I worried how Alistair would react if he knew about anything that had gone on, especially since I was still unclear on exactly what mine and Alistair's relationship was anymore.

Zevran reached up and gently played with the tip of my ear absent mindedly and I nestled my face into his chest closer, treasuring his scent.

"Zevran?" I asked quietly "What did you say in Antivan earlier? Right before Leliana came in…"

He chuckled again, I would never get tired of his laugh. "That woman has the worst sense of timing, quite a pity. What did I say? Can you be more specific? What was going on?"

I blushed "You know what was going on, it was the only thing in Antivan you said anyways" I mumbled.

"Perhaps you can jog my memory?"

All the blood had rushed to my face; I was sure he must have felt my face heat up. He had that cocky smile on his face, I just knew it.

"Earlier, when I was on top of you…"

"Hmm, yes" he said with great satisfaction. "You mean like this?" he pulled me over so that I was laying on him now instead of next to him. "And what were you doing on top of me?"

My face was red, I could feel it and it was more difficult talking to him like this, being face to face."Kissing you…" I said.

"Did you do anything else?"

"I kissed the tattoos on your face and kissed your neck, then you had me bite you" I said shyly.

His hand wandered up to his neck "You did quite a number on me didn't you? I do not let people draw _my_ blood, but I'll make an exception for you. And remind me, what did you do next?"

"I traced the tattoos on your chest… with my tongue. You had me follow one over your heart and then you said something in Antivan, something that you had said before too".

"_Io ti desidero per mio" _he cooed "I desire you for myself. But that is not the only thing I've said to you. Do you remember the day I carried you back to camp?"

I nodded "You said I was like a feather".

"There was something else, though I'm not surprised that you do not remember. _Io __lussuria__ per toi: _I lust for you. And I really do." His voice was heavy and breathy, his eyes were wide and full of desire and I wondered if we were going to pick back up from where we were earlier.

Zevran lifted his face up to my neck and gently bit me, not enough to bruise or draw blood, but enough to hurt. I let out a small gasp from the pain.

"If there is ever a time where anything becomes too painful or uncomfortable, let me know and I will stop" He placed one hand on the small of my back and pressed me down against him firmly, I could feel a bulge forming between his legs like earlier. He began to bite me a bit harder and I tried not to cry out, I realized just how hard I must have been biting him earlier to draw blood and I was determined to not cry out since he hadn't.

"Do wardens not feel pain?" he asked after biting me for a bit. At this point I was biting my lip to the point of nearly drawing my own blood just to keep quiet. I was worried that if I opened my mouth to answer his question that my voice would show how much pain I was actually in. "I am almost done in any case".

He bit down on my neck even harder and it took all of my strength not to cry out.

"There" he said after a few more excruciating moments. "Now we are even, you drew my blood, and now I've drawn yours" he ran his tongue across the wound, lapping up the bit of blood. "You are a stubborn woman. You were in pain, I could tell, and yet you refused to cry out".

"I was in pain and you knew it, and yet you didn't stop" I replied.

"True, but you did not wish for me to stop. I told you that if it got to be too much that you could stop me, but you did not. You enjoyed it. Admit it, you like things a bit rough". He pressed me against him even harder. "Should we continue? Or shall I just let my lovely leader rest? It has been a long day after all".

"Is this how you treat all of your leaders?" I asked playfully.

"Only the ones who let me get away with it." He said with a wide grin.

I yawned.

"You are tired, no? I would prefer if you were not exhausted since just laying on your back is not an option with me. Perhaps we just sleep for now? Tomorrow will be a long day and there will be time for pleasure after."

I was surprised that Zevran was actually suggesting that we just went to sleep for now. After he had me recount what happened earlier I was sure that he was trying to get me to trace his tattoos down into his pants and find wherever they ended. "Is that what you want? To sleep now?"

"What I want is highly irrelevant. You have been struggling to stay awake for some time, you need to sleep; I will not be the reason for you falling asleep in the Dark Roads. You have shown concern for my well being and I wish to do the same."

"As a leader I am concerned for everyone who chooses to follow me."

"As your follower I am concerned about you. You not only spared my life, but now you have allowed me to belong somewhere, even if it is just temporary, and I will do anything to protect the one who has given me that" all traces of playfulness had left his face, he was completely serious now. "You gave me a second chance, something that has never been given to me before and something that I do not deserve, and I do not intend to waste it even if I did not want to come along at first. I thought that by sparing me you had given me a death sentence because if the Crows ever found out that I lived, they would hunt me down". He wrapped his arms around me tighter. "But I do not care if they find me now, I would prefer to live, but if I die in service to you at least I will have died finally having done something worthwhile in my life. You are _prezioso_ to me, precious to me. _Mi tesoro, _my treasure, the only person in the whole of Thedas who has treated me like a person and not property; I will risk everything to keep you safe".

For some reason hearing him say that meant for to me than any profession of love from Alistair. This felt more real and I wasn't sure quite what to say to him. After a few moments I finally spoke. "I will not allow the Crows to take you, you are under my protection and anyone who wants to harm you will have to deal with me. You are _falon _to me, a friend, someone close to me, and the Dalish never turn their back on a friend."

"So we are friends? Because if this is how the Dalish show friendship, I'm rather curious to see how you show something stronger".

"Maybe friend wasn't the right word."

"It is okay _mi cara_, I know what you mean" He said with a smile as he patted my head "Sleep, I will still be here in the morning, something rare for myself" He shifted me off of himself and tucked me back into bed. I nestled my face back into his chest and allowed him to wrap his arm around me protectively.

My mind wandered as I drifted to sleep. I wondered what this meant for me and Zevran in the future. I wondered if Zevran maybe did what some sort of relationship or he still just wanted to sleep with me. I wondered how this might affect the rest of the group. Mostly I wondered what would happen with me and Alistair; I cared about Alistair a lot and still wasn't sure where the two of us stood exactly, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to give up on a relationship with him. I went to sleep with a heavy heart that night.


End file.
